The Confessing Lunatic

Pasta Mania!

2012-01-17T22:06:00.002-06:00

I am on a roll - three nights in a row cooking! Tonight's recipe, Penne with Chicken and Pesto, was adapted from another Food on the Table recipe. It is rich and creamy with lots of flavor. Caitlin, Jim and I loved it, but the little ones wanted the plain pasta and plain chicken. Oh well, can't hit it out of the park every time!

I've tried again to get good pictures but alas, no luck. I will have to read up on tricks of photographing food. None the less, the recipe:

PENNE WITH CHICKEN AND PESTO

INGREDIENTS

1 16.0 ounce package penne pasta
2 T butter
2 T olive oil
5 boneless skinless chicken breast halves - cut into thin strips
2 T minced garlic
salt and pepper to taste
1 pint heavy cream
1 10 oz jar pesto
6 T grated Parmesan cheese
1 tomato, diced (I used my Ninja on a cup and half of grape tomatoes. I strained the juice before adding.)

Servings: 6

DIRECTIONS

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain. Salt chicken and grill to slightly pink.

Heat butter and olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Sauté garlic. Reduce heat and stir in salt, pepper, cream, pesto and Parmesan cheese. Add chicken and cook until it is no longer pink inside. Stir in cooked pasta. Add diced tomato.

One Dish Wonders - Shrimp and Quinoa

2012-01-16T20:12:00.006-06:00

Tonight's meal was excellent - time intensive - but excellent. I have a subscription to Food on the Table, an online recipe collection that allows you to add meals to a meal plan and then it builds a grocery list for you. It even recommends recipes based on the sales at your local grocery store. This recipe was adapted from one of their recipes, Shrimp and Quinoa.

According to WHFoods.com, "quinoa is an amino acid-rich (protein) seed that has a fluffy, creamy, slightly crunchy texture and a somewhat nutty flavor when cooked." I love it because it has about the same about of carbs as pasta and is higher in protein, amino acids, magnesium, phosphorus, and potassium.

The Food on the Table recipe was only for 4 servings and had onion and bell pepper that I didn't have on hand so the veggies are different. I marinated the shrimp, too. The time to prepare was more than stated on the recipe (15 minutes) as well as cook (30 minutes). I imagine the time to peel and de-vein was not included. I even had a great sous chef, Jim, cutting veggies. None-the-less it was very yummy tasting!

LISA'S SHRIMP AND QUINOA

INGREDIENTS

2 cups water
1 uncooked quinoa
3 T olive oil, divided
1 shallot, diced
10 oz sliced fresh mushrooms
1 small zucchini, sliced in ribbons
1 small yellow squash, sliced in ribbons
1 T minced fresh ginger root
salt and pepper to taste
1.75 lbs shrimp - peeled and deveined
½ small lime, juiced
2 T olive oil
1/2 cup chopped parsley (or to taste - I probably only used 1/4 cup)

Servings: 6

DIRECTIONS

In a large pot, bring the water to a boil, and stir in the quinoa. Add pinch of salt. Cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer 15 minutes. Remove from heat, and set aside 10 minutes, or until all liquid has been absorbed.

Mince garlic, ginger and 2 T olive oil in chopper. Combine marinade and shrimp in a bowl. Set aside until ready to cook. Heat 1 tablespoons olive oil in a skillet over medium heat, and sauté the onion and until translucent and tender. Mix in the mushrooms and continue cooking until mushrooms have cooked down. Add zucchini and squash. Continue to cook to desired doneness. Season with salt and pepper. Mix in the shrimp, and cook 5 minutes, or until opaque.

Squeeze lime over the quinoa to desired taste and remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil; mix well. Toss with the skillet mixture and parsley to serve.

Try as I might, I did not get a good picture of this dish. I tried a nice clear bowl to showcase the quinoa but the flash without natural light was not helpful. Below is the dish in the saute pan, which really doesn't do it justice.

Family Dinners

2012-01-12T22:22:00.009-06:00

This has been quite a week. Since Friday I've only cooked once. So much for my resolution to cook at home and eat more healthy. After the bulgogi adventure on Friday, I was worn out. Certainly more worn out than I should be. Turns out I would come down with something that completely took my voice and my will to get out of bed! Despite that, I did have the opportunity to have two great family dinners with my Mom, Dad and Uncle Larry, one courtesy of Cracker Barrel and one home-cooked meal.

For the home-cooked meal, I decided to bring out the Rosemary Roasted Potatoes, and try a new dish called Vegetable Tian, and roast two whole chickens using the new roaster trees that I got Jim for Christmas. The recipe for the roast chickens was inspired by Beer Can Chicken. I used a half a can of chicken stock and a quarter cup of white cooking wine instead of the beer. Mom provided us with an apple coleslaw and pecan and pumpkin pies to round out the meal.

Then I had a great meal with the left-over chicken when my mom made chicken noodle soup to share with her sick baby girl (me) and her family! Exactly what I needed to get my strength back.

What I love most about family dinners is the great conversation that comes along with great meals. I've blogged about my Uncle Larry before in my post, My Uncle is So Cool. Jim and I love it when he comes into town. He has such a refreshing view on Christianity and the church. His visit, and the great meals, were exactly what I needed!

Vegetable Tian - Yum, Yum!

Chickens ready to roast

Chickens roasted and ready to eat!

Oh So Bulgogi Good

2012-01-06T22:32:00.010-06:00

So, the Asian food craze struck again. Friday, a week ago, we feasted on bulgogi and dak galbi - or a version thereof - and several sides. About a week ago I made Sweet Pickled Daikon Radish and homemade pickles.

Then I fixed another banchan (Korean side dish), apples and cucumber with Greek yogurt. I'm not sure how authentic it is but it is similar to one that I have enjoyed at the Korea BBQ House in Fort Worth.

The marinade for the bulgogi is a compilation of a several of different recipes: recipe 1, recipe 2 and recipe 3 and the card that came with the Korean grill pans that I bought Jim for Christmas. Once I try it again, I'll write down exactly what I did, but for now, you can get the gist from these three.

With the bulgogi, I sauteed several red and green peppers and an onion.

Now, these recipes are not near as healthy as they should, so I need to see how to adapt them to be more healthy. Certainly the veggies I've added are healthy but the amount of sugar in each of them is way more than we need! Unfortunately, I think that's why I love Korean food -- the blend of sweet and savory is so mouthwatering! Until then...let us feast!

The Virtues of Leftovers

2012-01-04T18:25:00.004-06:00

Leftovers, leftovers how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
1. I don't have to think too hard about what I'm going to serve! Serve up the leftovers with a salad and I'm good to go.
2. It's easy on my pocketbook because I have what they call in the business world "sunk costs".
3. I know my kids will like it because they've eaten it before!
4. Did I mention that I don't have to think too hard?
5. I am being a good steward of the resources God has given me (okay, so I have to have one churchy-sounding point to extol, right?).

Tonight it is especially good because it's FWF - or First Wednesday Food. FWF is held the first Wednesday of each month and Jim and I feed the youth during our regular meeting. For our New Year's eve service and watch party I made my customary super large crock pot of chili. Normally my chili is completely gone and there are only memories of how good it tasted, but this year was strange. We came home with almost as much as we left. I'm not sure if it was because it didn't taste good (tasted good to me) or whether folks started their dieting early (though I doubt it from the other goodies that were consumed ;o)...).

This chili recipe I have been cooking for years. It has gone through revisions and product updates but the basic recipe remains the same. I usually make a monstrous portion so this recipe is cut down for the average family of six! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Best Chili Ever (or so say my youth!)

Ingredients:
1 1/2 to 2 lb ground sirloin
2 medium size cans Ranch Style Beans (not the 15 oz but the larger size)
2 cans Ro-Tel tomatoes
2 15 oz cans dark red kidney beans
Mexican oregano
Minced garlic
Ground cumin
Salt
Fresh ground pepper
Vegetable oil (just enough to lightly coat the bottom of the pan)

Directions:
Heat stock pot to medium. Cover bottom of pan with oil. Add garlic to taste (my family loves garlic so I use about 3 tsp). Saute until gold brown. Add the ground sirloin, cumin and oregano to pot and brown meat. Drain fat from meat and put back in the pot.

Drain and rinse dark red kidney beans. Add remaining ingredients to browned meat. Stir to incorporate all ingredients. Bring to a bubble, reduce heat and simmer for 30-45 minutes for tender beans.

Asian Cuisine Cravings

2012-01-03T21:55:00.006-06:00

I confess, lately I have been craving all kinds of Asian cooking! I can't seem to get enough. I don't know if it's that garlic-ginger combination that comes in many dishes, or the Korean bulgogi and dol sat bi bim bop I recently enjoyed at Korea House BBQ, or the home cooked bulgogi and dak galbi that we enjoyed in December using the Korean bbq plate I gave to Jim for Christmas. At any rate, tonight's meal was a savory yet sweet Thai-inspired Ginger Chicken. I adapted the recipe below from the blog, Edible Obsessions. The biggest change was I increased the quantities of my recipe and added mushrooms. The pictures on the Edible Obsessions blog are incredible! Regardless, here are a couple of mine:

Fresh veggies are terrific! Love the color and the taste.

Cooking the onion, garlic and chicken.

The finished product!

And now, for the moment you've been waiting for...the recipe:

Thai-inspired Ginger Chicken

Serves: 6 plus two healthy leftovers for tomorrow's lunch!

Ingredients:
5 cups bite-sized pieces chicken, boneless, skinless breast
4 cloves chopped garlic
2 T vegetable oil
1/2 cup finely striped ginger
16 oz white mushrooms, sliced
1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 green pepper, sliced
1/2 yellow onion, sliced
5 T oyster sauce
5 T light soy sauce
2 T mirin
2 T red cooking wine
1 t rice vinegar
1 T dark soy sauce
2 T sugar, or adjust to your taste
1/2 cup chicken stock or water (if needed)
2-3 Tbsp slurry (a mixture of corn starch and water 1:2), to thicken the sauce

Directions:
1. Mix together oyster sauce, light soy sauce, cooking wine, mirin, rice vinegar, dark soy sauce, and sugar. Set aside.
2. Heat oil in a wok or large pan over medium-high heat. Add garlic, yellow onion, and chicken, stir fry until fragrant and chicken is partially cooked. Add red and green pepper. Cook to desired doneness (I like my peppers crunchy as opposed to the onion).
3. Stir in seasoning sauce mixture and ginger, toss the ingredients around until chicken is cooked and everything is mixed well, about 2-3 minutes. Add stock or water if too dry.
4. Add 2-3 Tbsp of slurry to thicken the sauce. Stir briefly.
5. Serve hot with medium grain rice.

My family thoroughly enjoyed this meal -- though the little ones let their Dad eat the peppers! I served with a salad, too.

New Year's Resolution

2012-01-02T22:08:00.007-06:00

I am resolving this year to make healthy meals for my family and reduce the number of times we go out to eat. Often I am too overwhelmed with all the kids' activities and working full time to cook. However, when I looked back at our spending for the last three months, and took into consideration how much weight I have gained in that time, I realize I have to do things differently this year! So, I plan to chronicle my meals to help me be accountable and share the fun I have in creating great tasting meals.

Yesterday's meal was roast lamb with herb jus, orzo with zucchini, yellow squash and roasted red peppers, roasted rosemary baby red potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, and of course, blackeyed peas with bacon. I must confess that these dishes weren't necessarily the most healthy because I was mostly concerned about taste.

The recipes for these were found on the Internet and adapted for my family and tastes. I'll post the recipes at the end.

Today's meal was Lamb Stew with mini biscuits using the left over lamb from yesterday. The roux was not really thick enough so I'll adapt if I make again. I used Pioneer Low Fat Baking mix for the biscuits and used the recipe on the box. The star shaped biscuit was Caitlin's idea. I served my mom's apple, banana salad and broccoli with the stew. Here's a picture of the finished product:

Roast Lamb
Adapted from a Washington Post recipe

MAKE AHEAD: Not only is it fine to prep the roast with its herb coating inside and out and tie it ahead of time, it's better to do so; it gives the flavors a chance to meld. You don't even have to cover it in the refrigerator, if you don't mind the lingering aroma of garlic. Bring the roast to room temperature by taking it out of the refrigerator 1 hour before roasting.

6 to 8 servings

Ingredients: Leaves from 2 stems of rosemary (1/4 cup loosely packed)
Leaves from 4 large sprigs of thyme (2 tablespoons)
Leaves from 1/2 bunch of flat-leaf parsley, washed well and patted dry (12 cup)
2 medium cloves garlic, crushed
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
4 to 5 pounds leg of lamb (fat trimmed to 1/8 inch), shank bone intact
1 large carrot, coarsely chopped
1 large onion, cut into quarters
4 cups low-sodium beef broth
Red cooking wine
1 bay leaf
2-3 T olive oil
2-3 T butter

Directions: Combine the rosemary, thyme, parsley, garlic, salt, and olive oil in the bowl of a food processor; run the machine for 30 seconds to form an herb paste.

Lay the lamb fat side down on a cutting board. Cut 1 ½ inch slits in the lamb. Spread half of the herb paste evenly over the inside surface of the leg. Push the herb paste into the slits. Use kitchen twine to tie the leg together crosswise at 1-inch intervals, starting at the widest part in the middle and working toward the ends.

Tie the roast together lengthwise once on each side of the shank bone and turn it over. The roast should be compact and shaped like a Bartlett pear. Cut 1 ½ inch slits on the other side of the lamb. Spread the remaining herb paste. Push the herb paste into the slits.

Place the lamb in the prepared pan and place vegetables around it. Loosely cover the roast and let it sit at room temperature for 1 hour.

After 45 minutes of that time, position an oven rack in the lower third of the oven; preheat to 450 degrees. Roast the lamb uncovered for 20 minutes. Reduce the heat to 350 degrees; cover and roast for 1 hour or until the meat reaches an internal temperature of 125 degrees when measured on an instant-read thermometer.

Remove the pan from the oven. Place the lamb on a cutting board and loosely cover it with foil; let it rest for 15 minutes.

Transfer the pan juices to a large saucepan. Add the beef broth, red wine (to taste) and bay leaf. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce the heat to medium and cook for 15 minutes. Add the butter and stir to incorporate.

Untie the leg of lamb and cut into 1/2-inch slices. Serve immediately, with herb jus on the side.

Roasted Baby Potatoes with Rosemary
Adapted from a Rachel Ray recipe
Total Time: 30 min
Prep: 10 min
Cook: 20 min
Yield: 10 servings

Ingredients:
2 ½ pounds baby red potatoes
6 cloves garlic
2 to 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, enough to just coat potatoes
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves, chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.
2. Mince rosemary, garlic and olive oil in Ninja.
3. Quarter potatoes and put in a large bowl. Coat potatoes with the olive oil, rosemary and garlic. Salt and pepper to taste.
4. Place potatoes on center rack of oven and roast 20 minutes, until just tender.

Orzo with Summer Squash and Roasted Red Pepper
Serves: 10+

Ingredients:
16 ounces orzo pasta
3 T salted light butter
1 cup shallot (finely chopped)
2 zucchini (1 ½ pound total cut into rounds and then in ribbons)
2 yellow squash (1 pound total cut into rounds and then in ribbons)
2 roasted red peppers
1 tsp salt
½ tsp black pepper
¾ cup nuts (hazelnuts 4 ounces toasted loose skins rubbed off in a kitchen towel, coarsely chopped)
½ cup parsley (chopped fresh)
½ cup fresh thyme (chopped)
2 tsp (or to taste) lemon zest (finely grated fresh)

Directions:
1. Cook orzo in a 4- to 5-quart pot of boiling salted water until al dente. Reserve 1/2 cup cooking water then drain orzo in a colander.
2. While orzo is cooking, heat butter and oil in a deep 12-inch heavy skillet over moderately high heat until foam subsides, then sauté shallot, stirring, until golden, about 5 minutes. Add zucchini, yellow squash, salt, and pepper and sauté, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are just tender, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in parsley, thyme and lemon zest.
3. Add cooked orzo to skillet and stir gently. If mixture seems dry, moisten with some reserved pasta water. Season with salt and pepper. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Leftover Lamb Stew
Prep Time: 30 Minutes
Cook Time: 1 Hour
Servings: 6+

Ingredients:
Left over lamb (about 1 ½ pounds)
1 shallot, diced
1-2 cloves garlic, diced
16 oz sliced mushrooms
Baby carrots (as much as you’d like)
8 small potatoes, peeled and cubed
Left over herb jus
1-2 cups beef broth (depending on the amount of left over herb jus remaining)
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons minced fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh thyme

Directions: 1. In a large sauté pan, melt butter over medium heat. Add onions, mushrooms and garlic. Cook for 5 minutes or until onions are tender, stirring occasionally. Add carrots and potatoes to pan. Cook for another 10-15 minutes until potatoes are fork tender. Add wine, broth, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil. Remove from the heat. Cover and bake at 350 degrees F for 50-60 minutes or until meat and vegetables are tender.
2. With a slotted spoon, remove vegetables to a large bowl; keep warm if you are eating immediately. Make a slurry with flour and some of the pan juices. Bring pan juices to a boil. Gradually whisk in slurry. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Stir in the parsley, thyme, meat and vegetables; heat through.
3. Transfer meat and vegetables to a Dutch oven, casserole dish or other large container that can be put in the oven.
4. If making for the next day’s meal, cover with foil and cool to room temperature. Put in fridge when cooled. Pull from the fridge about 30-45 minutes before you plan to cook in oven or it will increase your cook time.
5. If making for the same day’s meal, put dish in preheated 350 degree oven.
6. Make biscuits using whatever biscuit recipe you desire. I use the Pioneer Low Fat Baking Mix and use the package directions.
7. After 30-45 minutes, pull dish out of oven and cover with biscuits. Cook entire dish until biscuits are baked through.

"Dial Down"

2011-12-15T11:54:00.004-06:00

Yes, it's been over a year since my last post. Wow, how time has flown and with little to show for it than a couple extra pounds, I am wondering how am I going to be different next year.

I have followed a blogger by the name of Faith Barista. She is currently writing on a series called, "Unwrap Jesus." In her post toda, she asked readers what they could dial down to enjoy Jesus this season. My problem is not in enjoying Jesus during this season but the rest of the year.

As the mother of four, I am continually trying to remind my children of God's plan for His Son at Christmas and how that leads one naturally to the cross. As we sit each night before our regular prayer time, we read a story about Christmas - funny, sad, poignant stories of others finding the Christ of Christmas. It's our tradition. I am ashamed to say though, that the nightly reading rarely continues through January of the next year. So, my challenge is to "dial down" the rest of the year - in order to enjoy Jesus all year long!

2010-07-15T13:50:00.002-05:00

I ran across the following poem while perusing through the list of blogs I read (that I haven't done much of since I've been working my Master's degree). It's called "The Speaker" by Louis Jenkins. I want to share it with you since it hit me like a brick...

The Speaker

by Louis Jenkins "The speaker points out that we don't really have much of a grasp of things, not only the big things, the important questions, but the small everyday things. "How many steps up to your front door? What kind of tree grows in your backyard? What is the name of your district representative?What is your wife's shoe size? Can you tell me the color of your sweetheart's eyes? Do you remember where you parked the car?" The evidence is overwhelming. Most of us never truly experience life. "We drift through life in a daydream, missing the true richness and joy that life has to offer." When the speaker has finished we gather around to sing a few inspirational songs. You and I stand at the back of the group and hum along since we have forgotten most of the words."

"The Speaker" by Louis Jenkins, from Before You Know It: Prose Poems 1970–2005. ©

Does this line speak to you? -- "The evidence is overwhelming. Most of us never truly experience life. 'We drift through life in a daydream, missing the true richness and joy that life has to offer.'" The question that comes to my mind is, "What am I missing?" Am I speeding through life such that I miss truy richness and joy?

What are you missing?

2010-07-14T15:51:00.001-05:00

What is silence? Dictionary.com defines silence as "the absence of any sound or noise; stillness; the state or fact of being silent; muteness." This week we've been studying Psalm 46:10 where the psalmist says, "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth."

Too often we are unable to be silent... In fact, Donald Whitney, author and teacher, puts it this way, "Many of us need to realize the addiction we have to noise. It's one thing to turn on the TV, tape, or radio to listen to while ironing or doing other chores, but it's another thing habitually to turn one of these on immediately upon entering a room just to have sound. Even worse is to feel that it's necessary to have background noise during Bible intake or prayer. I believe the convenience of sound has contributed to the spiritual shallowness of contemporary western Christianity. The advent of affordable, portable sound systems, for instance, has been a mixed blessing. The negative side is that now we don't have to go anywhere without human voices. As a result we are less frequently alone with our own thoughts and God's voice. Because of this, and because we are the most urban, noise-polluted generation ever, we have an unprecedented need to learn the Disciplines of silence and solitude."

More than an addiction, I believe, is that people are afraid of silence. In silence, we are alone with our thoughts that may turn from positive to unthinkable. In silence, we can hear the voices of incrimination over our past sins. In silence, we can hear...God...but we fear what He may ask us to do. Whatever is it, is has become increasingly clear that we are blocking God from using us, from speaking to us when we fail to listen.

The Confessing Lunatic Wordled

2010-05-02T00:11:00.003-05:00

I stumbled upon this website that allows you to make an image of the most frequent words on your blog or website. This is what it came up with for me...

Thanks, Wordled.net! You can see it on the Wordled site here.

Complete in Thee

2010-05-01T23:30:00.005-05:00

Jim was studying for his Sunday School lesson and came accross a hymn that neither of us had ever heard. It is, without a doubt, one of the coolest songs I have ever heard so I want to share it with you!

Complete in Thee! no work of mine
May take, dear Lord, the place of Thine;
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And I shall stand complete in Thee.

Yea, justified! O blessed thought!
And sanctified! Salvation wrought!
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me,
And glorified, I too, shall be!

Complete in Thee—no more shall sin,
Thy grace hath conquered, reign within;
Thy voice shall bid the tempter flee,
And I shall stand complete in Thee.

Complete in Thee—each want supplied,
And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,
I ask no more, complete in Thee.

Dear Savior! when before Thy bar
All tribes and tongues assembled are,
Among Thy chosen will I be,
At Thy right hand—complete in Thee.

I found an a cappella version of this song on YouTube. It's really wonderful!

Different is Great

2010-04-04T01:50:00.000-05:00

During lunch today I sat and just watched my kids, marveling at how distinctly different each of my children are AND knowing that I had nothing to do with it; God did.

When Jordan was born there was no one to compare him to. He was unique. Then Caitlin came. Since she was a girl, we naturally assumed that she would be completely different from Jordan. It was when Jaden was born that I realized just how marvelous my children are and how wonderful God is. Jaden is nothing like the first two. Sure there are glimpses of Jordan and even hints of Caitlin but he is definitely his own person. In fact, looking back on my pregnancy when Jaden was thirteen months old, I knew he was strong-willed even in the womb.

When Calise was born is was no surprise that she was not like the other three. She is girly; Caitlin is not. Caitlin is outgoing; Cali is not. Jordan is obedient; Jaden is, well, learning to be obedient. Jordan is reserved; Jaden is extra active.

But one thing that is common to each of my kids: they are learning about the Lord and everyday I see glimpses of Him in them. Jim and I were at a baseball game when we overheard a girl say, "Jordan Billman tells people to watch their language." It made me feel so good to know that his character at school is the same character we see at church. He is writing songs and playing with us in worship. Caitlin is very compassionate and sensitive. She is more aware of others' hurt more so than I was at her age. Jaden, when in the mood, loves to help. He will go above and beyond what I ask -- just because it makes him happy to know that it makes me happy. He is a cool little kid. Recently Cali has begun to pray in our evening prayer times. It is so wonderful to hear her pray. She is the one that remembers to pray for those that are sick and in need.

How awesome it is to have the privilege of teaching our children and helping them grow in the Lord. It's an huge task but one that gives me a lot of joy. Yeah. Sometimes it's a challenge because they are so different but I wouldn't trade it for the world! Different is great!

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

It's Too Soon, Lord

2010-01-03T22:56:00.008-06:00

When I was a little girl, our family would go to Kentucky to visit my Dad's parents. All the little kids would sleep on the couch bed in the living room of my grandparent's house, a double wide trailer on the side of hill. My Dad, the oldest of seven children, would get up early and have coffee with one or more of his brothers. I loved waking up in my grandparent's house. Rather than get up right away, I would lay there quietly and listen. I closed my eyes so I could tell which voice was my Dad's. I don't know why but it was important for me to know to which voice one I belonged. It was tough because my Dad and his brothers sounded so similar but I would eventually be able to pick out my Dad.

Fast forward thirty something years...I woke up hearing Jim talking in the kitchen. As I lay in the bed, I strained to hear who he was talking with. As the memory of my Dad and his brothers flooded my brain, I could have sworn he was talking to himself. Did Jim's Dad come over? No, it wasn't deep enough. When I finally caught a few of the words the other person was speaking I realized that it was my son, Jordan. Really, could it be? I know he's growing up...he's been making jokes about his voice cracking for months now but how could I mistake Jordan for Jim?

Then yesterday the sheer reality of it all came crashing in like the Florida waves I used to swim in during the years I lived there. The phone rang and Jordan answered the phone. I heard him say, "Uh no, this is Jordan." Then he turned and handed the phone to Jim. I asked him if the caller thought it was his dad and he turned and grinned at me as he said "Yeah" a little too enthusiastically for my tastes.

It wasn't until later in the day that I realized how little time Jim and I have left with Jordan. In just three and a half short years, he will likely be gone to college, likely in another town. Ever since he was a newborn, I've know how long I had to rear him, to show him what I know, to tell him about the Lord. But eighteen years seem like such a long time...until now. "It's too soon, Lord." I prayed desperately.

Where did the time go? Yeah, I know it's not over yet, and on certain days I think we still have a lot of work to do. And there's three more children right behind Jordan that still need raising. But I thought at this point in my child-rearing I would be more ready to accept the future; that I would feel like I had done my job; and that I wouldn't doubt myself. If only I could stop time.

But since I can't, I must rely on the Lord and his wisdom to maximize the time I have left not only with Jordan but all my kids. Thankfully there are a wealth of scriptures from which to glean parenting tips. And a myriad of Biblical examples of how to parent...and how NOT to parent. Thank God, I don't have to do this alone. Not only do I have God, I have a wonderful husband, too.

So, maybe that mistaken identity was just the wake-up call I needed. Thank God.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Resolutions

2009-12-30T14:58:00.004-06:00

I confess...I dislike making new year's resolutions because I have such a hard time keeping them.

In 2007, I resolved to continue the weight loss I began in 2006 only to gain most of it back.

In 2008, I resolved to cook at home more to save calories AND save money only to continue going out at least once a week.

In 2009, I resolved to keep my house picked up -- especially my bathroom -- only to take my first trip of the year in late February and blow it once again.

Now as I approach 2010, I am faced again with the dilemma of making a resolution and trying to stick with it or skipping it all together. While Googling "resolution" I ran across the following quote by Benjamin Franklin: "Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."

This quote puts the whole idea of making resolutions in a new light:

1)The first part is very clear -- do that which you should do. I don't have trouble doing what I'm supposed to do: go to work, care for my family, go to church, etc. Though some of those task are less enjoyable than others, I still manage to get them done. The quality to which they are done suffers at times (especially when it comes to housework) but I do what I should.

2) The second part -- if you say you'll do it, do it -- is what I think is difficult and certainly one that appears that others struggle with as well. Too often thousands of reputations are crippled by failing to do what they said they would do. I struggle often in following through with what I said I would do. It's not a moral dilemma but it certainly is a dilemma of character. How may times have I said, "I'll pray for you" only to forget the moment the words have left my lips and then guiltily remember the next time I see that person? My intentions are all good but my resolve is faulty.

So, my New Year's resolution? To "perform without fail" what I resolve. What's yours?

Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T22:04:00.006-06:00

On November 22nd we held our annual "Harvest Dinner" at church, complete with all the traditional Thanksgiving foods. As in years past, I complained about this dinner ruining my Thanksgiving dinner. I know, I know, that isn't a very thankful spirit to have but let me explain...

I am very particular when it comes to turkey, how it tastes and the dishes that are served with it. And I'm not that crazy about turkey so I'm content to have it once a year, eat it for left overs for several days in turkey sandwiches with copious amounts of Miracle Whip, lettuce and pickles and then not touch it again until the next year. I've suggested for several years that we should have a different theme to celebrate our thanks -- like Mexican or Italian. But alas, no one at the church is particularly fond of that idea!

When the list went up for the dinner, I complained yet again to Jim. After a couple of weeks of grumbling, I finally signed up for the "other meat" category, salad and dessert. I was determined not to eat anything related to "my" thanksgiving meal so I ended up bringing ham, salad and a spice cake made with pumpkin, caramel and Cool Whip.

You might wonder if I am so adverse to eating my Thanksgiving dinner before its time, whyI CHOOSE to go. Well, 1) because that's where the family is, and 2) it always turns out to be a very special time. This year was no different.

Each year at the Harvest dinner, families bring canned food and other items to give to a family in our area that we know is in need. This year we chose to bring food for a family that has been visiting our church that just moved to Crowley from Nairobi, Kenya. The husband and wife have been working a job that requires that they stand on their feet from 4 pm until 2 am. They don't get home until 5 am and then they have to get their children to and from school only to repeat again.

When the dinner started, I was just a little disappointed when Davies and Leah weren't there. But, there were many people to talk with and kids to feed so I didn't dwell on it. While we were eating, the family came in -- I was so excited I jumped from my chair and met them at the door. I showed them where to get food and went back to my food. Not too long after, I saw Jim pointing to food items on the table and talking with them. It never ocurred to me that Thanksgiving might not a recognized Kenyan holiday and even if it were, it probably isn't celebrated in the same fashion as here.

After the meal, Pastor led us in creating a picture with stickers that make up a turkey. We were to work as a family and come up with one thing that our whole family was thankful for. As we were sitting at the same table with our Kenyan friends, it was funny to watch as they struggled to create the turkey. But it was so touching when it came time for them to share what they were thankful for. They were thankful for our Lord, to whom all praises are given, for their family and for our church family. It was very special.

Just before we prayed, I stood to tell everyone about the basket, which was complete with a spiral cut ham, roast chicken and other Thanksgiving fixings. It appeared that they were speechless. I'm not sure that they knew what to expect or even why we gave them food. After a brief pause, the father stood up and thanked the church family for their kindness and praised God for our church. His beautiful words were just what I needed to hear...

I confess...all too often I forget the blessings God has given me -- health, family, a job, church family, freedom to worship as I please, and so much more. In many countries people don't have enough food to get them through the day much less the luxury of whining about the food choices. So in this season of thanks, I confess my selfishness, discontent, irritation and all things unholy and ask God to replace it with all things lovely, wonderful and pure. And most of all, I thank God for the lessons I have learned from our new family from Kenya.

Blessings

2009-09-23T20:11:00.006-05:00

If you're a parent, gather your kids and kiss them. Tell them how much you love them. Hug them so tight they beg for air!

If you're a grandparent, call your grandkids and tell them you miss them and just how much you love them.

What has prompted this? I confess...after 14 years of parenting I didn't realize just how blessed I was to have healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids. In 14 years, not one overnight stay until now. It wasn't until I was walking back into the hospital after staying one night at home while Jim stayed with Cali that I understood just how blessed Jim and I are.

Sure, we've had our bumps and bruises. We've had our sleepless nights. We've even had multiple trips to the Emergency Room (more with some kids than the others). But nothing that compares to this recent illnes of Cali's. And in the grand scheme of things, Cali's illness is nothing compared to other children.

Don't get me wrong, it was scary enough. I never left her side unless Jim was there. I only slept one time at home during her entire stay because I wanted to be there for her. But throughout our stay we saw glimpses of other children much sicker than Cali and I couldn't help but think, "thank you God."

Why did God choose us to have healthy kids? Why has God blessed us with the love of these children? I don't really know but this one thing I do -- more than ever I thank God for them.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5 ESV

Thank you God for my children. I am so blessed for having them in my life. Continue to keep them safe and healthy. Help us to show them who Christ is and why we choose Jesus as Lord.

September

2009-09-20T23:33:00.003-05:00

I confess...this has been the strangest September, a September of firsts. Many of you know how extra difficult my job is during the months leading up to and including September. In fact, this year I started working overtime in May so yeah, it's been a difficult year. There hasn't been a September in 13 years (except the one or two while I was a stay at home mom) when I didn't work a lot of overtime in September.

Then this year I have been wearing three hats at work since I got a promotion -- my new job, my old job (because we haven't hired anyone) and that of Section Chief since that Chief deployed to Afghanistan.

To top it off, Jordan is in the high school marching band...HIGH SCHOOL. I am still freaked out about this since I only have four years with him before he goes to college. I am quite certain I'm not ready for this -- heck, I cried the day we discovered he was officially taller than me!

And, Cali started pre-school three days a week. I can't believe how quickly my kids are growing before my very eyes. There are days when I barely see them -- especially with all the overtime at work.

But all of that is not what is so unusual about September.

What is unusual is that for nine days now Cali has been in the hospital and I have been either at her side or caring for my other three children and not at work. I'm not sure what I expected from my 1st line supervisor or 2nd line supervisor, but they have been so completely understanding. I thought at first that Jim and I could trade out and he could stay with her during the day while I worked. But seeing how sick she was -- and learning about pneumonia -- made me re-think that decision.

Instead of being at work slaving like the rest of my co-workers and employees, I have been here -- holding Cali, calming her, bathing her, dressing her, and quitely praying over and over for her. Instead of feeling guilty about not pulling my weight, I have been completely at peace -- even while taking Jordan shopping on Saturday afternoon for his first homecoming dance.

What is most unusual about this September is that I have had time to stop and reflect on how blessed I am. Rarely during this month do I get to think about things non-work related much less think about my kids and all that God has done for me. But Cali's illness has brought me to a screeching halt and I wonder...what does God need to teach me during this time?

It could be "Slow down" or "Listen to Me." It could even be, "Treasure the time you have with your kids." I can't put my finger on it...but when He reveals it to me, I know it will be big.

So until then -- I'm listening, praying and waiting.

Cali at the Hospital

2009-09-15T16:51:00.011-05:00

Thank you for your prayers for Cali. For those who haven't heard, Cali has been in the hopsital since Saturday. We learned on Thursday that she had pneumonia. She was given a shot of antibiotics and went home from the doctor's with an oral antibiotic. On Saturday (September 12th) when she looked like she was getting worse despite the antibiotics, we took her back to the doctor where she got another shot. Despite that, we still ended up at the emergency room. After taking x-rays, they admitted her due to the complications from the pneumonia. Her right lung was completely white-ed out on the x-ray.

We were told that we should expect to be here a week to 10 days. As medically advanced as we are, pneumonia is just not a disease that goes away quickly. Today was an improvement, Cali felt well enough to play with dishes and play dough. Now though, as the fever has come back she is sitting in her big hospital bed shivering. What I'm beginning to understand about pneumonia is that it is deceiving. One moment you're thinking "Hey, she's better" and the next you're wondering what happened!

I wanted to share a couple of pictures with you from late yesterday to today. When you see them, please pray for Cali and other children just like her in hospitals around the country!

Cali last night with a 104 fever.

Cali after her medicine and no fever.

Cali this afternoon after the medicine wears off and a fever.

Service or Jesus?

2009-08-27T16:12:00.008-05:00

I recently read a Facebook post from one of Jim's younger cousins that shows a Godly wisdom beyond the earthly age of many. She was describing how God is teaching her that her view on service is not as God intended (my take on what she said) and that Jesus Christ should be the object of her heart -- not service.

Part of her post included a quote that I was almost certain that I had read before so being the curious one, I Googled the quote and discovered that C.A. Coates had written an article entitled, "Occupation with the Object" is where the quote came from.

I am struck in particular by the thought that we become restless and discouraged when our service isn't doing any good. Consider what Coates says, "Very often young believers who have not even peace with God are encouraged to take up service, and they become so occupied with what they are doing that they are not at leisure to learn or to take their place in the favor of their Father. Hence, so long as the service prospers, and they get on well with it, they are happy. The service is their life. But when there is no success, and the whole thing seems to be a failure, their joy collapses; and they have to discover how little they have really got, and in many cases to find that they are perfect strangers to the liberty and joy of acceptance with their Father. Anything which occupies us so that we are diverted from our acceptance and growth is a positive hindrance, even if it be a thing apparently so excellent as service."

Later in the article it discusses that our object should be with Jesus...and not with service. For some time I have whined to my friends that I just don't feel like I'm making a difference and that I don't feel like our church is making a difference. Perhaps the problem is my focus has been all wrong! I'm so occupied with service that I've forgetten to focus on Jesus.

God, forgive me. Help me to turn my eyes to Jesus!

God's Peace

2009-07-28T17:05:00.006-05:00

Everyday I am reminded of God's peace but none more so as this weekend.

Sunday after we came home from church, we found our older dog, Copper, on his back in the backyard, obviously in distress. He was caught in our electric fence and for the several hours we were away, he was unable to get to shade or water.

As Jim went outside, he looked at me and said, "I think this is it." Immediately all our children began to cry.

We've known for a while that Copper was not well and probably would not be with us for long. We've tried to prepare the children but nothing, other than prayer, really can prepare them for the loss of a friend.

Jim picked up Copper and brought him inside. As the kids stood around us crying, I watched as Jim tried to get Copper some water. Jim and I looked at each other knowing the answer to the question, "What should we do?" but we wanted the kids to come to the same conclusion.

I'm not sure what was harder in this situation -- watching our 13-year old son struggle with what in his head he knew needed to be done but in his heart he refused to believe OR watching my husband watch our 13-year old son and struggle with his own emotions at the same time.

At the end of the day as a family we decided to allow Copper peace in his last moments rather than pain and suffering in what could have been his last days or weeks. But through it all, I felt God's hand with us comforting us when Jim and I had run out of words of comfort.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Alive in Christ

2009-07-17T23:33:00.006-05:00

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. Romans 7:17-25 (The Message)

Paul says so eloquently exactly how I feel at the moment. I confess...I was sitting and reflecting on the events of the past week and I can, with all honesty, say I have blown it. Just two Saturdays ago I lay at the foot of the cross a lot of junk I've been carrying around; I felt relieved to get rid of it and embarrassed that I had held on to it for so long. I came home truly desiring to continue the work God had begun. But then I allowed the circumstances surrounding me get in the way.

I confess...when the worship speaker was talking about a relationship with the Lord (since Super Summer is a leadership camp for Christian teens), I seriously wondered about the quality of my relationship with the Lord or if I even have one. Yes, I know the Lord. I acknowledge that I am a sinner. And yes, I accept what Jesus did for me. But if this past week is any reflection of the relationship that I have, I must conclude that I have none...or at least I have a very poor one.

Consider now what Paul says in Romans 8:5-11 (The Message).

Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.

But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells—even though you still experience all the limitations of sin—you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!

I've been living a dead life this past week...by allowing worry, anger and a whole host of emotions to take up residence in my heart. Instead of focusing on God, I have focused on myself. My short-lived communion with God was not enough to sustain me through a difficult week.

So the question remains, why do I walk around like a dead-woman when I can be alive in Christ? A relationship with the Lord, or lack thereof, is the key.

"God, work in me. I submit to your Lordship and desire to be alive each day. Move me to cultivate the relationship with you that I know you desire for me. In Jesus Name, Amen."

I Want it All

2009-07-05T23:47:00.000-05:00

"I want the presence of God Himself, or I don't want anything at all to do with religion...I want all that God has or I don't want any."

AW Tozer, The Counselor, 40.

At the Foot of the Cross

2009-06-04T22:19:00.004-05:00

I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a women's conference last last month and it was just what I needed. I left worn and weary and returned refreshed. What made it so special was the music. It was so nice to be a part of worship and not leading worship. The songs were mostly unknown to me but they touched my heart none the less!

One of the songs that touched me was Hillsong's "At the Foot of the Cross." Work has been particularly difficult -- not just professionally but personally as well. This morning as I was refusing to acknowledge that it was time to get up, the Lord kept bringing this song to mind. It was as if to say, it doesn't matter what you're going through, I've been there. It doesn't matter how much you're burdened. Lay it down...and I will take care of you.

So I want to share the words here. I hope that they will touch you as much as they touched me.

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received

And You've won my heart
Yes You've won my heart
Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death You bore for me

I lay every burden down
I lay every burden down

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T19:40:00.003-05:00

Mother's Day was an awesome day!

It started with breakfast in bed -- Jaden made me eggs, Jordan made toast with butter and copious amounts of blackberry jam, Caitlin poured a Diet Pepsi into a tall glass with crushed ice and Jordan placed everything on the tray with great artistic flare. I've taken a picture and if I get my act together and download the picture from the camera, I'll post it here.

Worship was a treat...the message was different yet insightful. We learned a number of scriptures relating to the role of mothers in raising children while receiving items to plant -- soil, seeds, water and a vessel (cup).

Then after a wonderful meal with Jim's parents and grandmother, we went to my parents house. It was wonderful just sitting having a conversation with my mom and dad. The kids were being noisy so we sent them home to watch TV.

Then after a long nap, we watched the final episode of Amazing Race 14. Our favorite team won so that was the culmination of a great day!

What brings days like Mother's Day to mind is the recollection of how blessed I am, even when I am exhausted from going 100 different ways and doing 500 different things. God has never given me more than I can handle yet, so I must hang on and trust that He will continue to do so.

You know you're not in the US....

2009-03-29T20:02:00.004-05:00

1. When 50% (or more) of the people around you are the same height as you (that is if you're 5 ft tall)!
2. When you have salad offered to you at the breakfast buffet at your hotel.
3. There's no one speaking English or Spanish for that matter. :o)
4. The toilet not only has a bidet but a dryer in the toilet, too. Eek.
5. They do not use ice in your drink unless you specifically ask for it.
6. You look for Diet Coke and find "Coke Light" which tastes nothing like Diet Coke. Yuck.
7. The hotel has slippers in "lockers" where you can trade the slippers for your shoes.
8. All of the tops of the high-rises are painted green to simulate grass since there is none in the city.
9. Those same roof-tops are littered with plastic wash basins.
10. You open IE, go to Google.com and can't read a thing because it's all in a foreign lanugage!

My Uncle is So Cool

2009-01-29T20:52:00.006-06:00

I have been rather discouraged lately. Work has been incredibly difficult, my school work is suffering and I'm quite certain my kids don't know my name. They see the back of me as I walk out the door in the morning, the side of me as I sit at my computer to do school work, and the top of my head as they peek in on Saturday mornings as I sleep. Yesterday I had had enough...I came home and just sat on the bed and cried. Jim consoled me the best he could, he just sat and listened.

So today I check my email while I'm listening to my Professor talk about the changes in the DOD 5000 series of instruction which covers the topics I'm learning in his class. I scanned through the email to find a message from my Uncle Larry entitled Encourage. I waited until after class to read his message out of respect, mind you. However, his message is just what I needed to read at the moment that I'm struggling to get from point A to point B with my sanity intact. At the bottom of his message is a link to his blog. I love blogs so I naturally I clicked over to his blog. I scanned through several and found one that really struck a chord...I'll let you read it and then I'll say why:

Last Night's Election

This time last night we were glued to the TV, watching the election returns. Tonight, the election is over and historic decisions have been made that will certainly impact the future of our nation and the world. Whether or not our candidate or cause won, we can certainly celebrate the fact that we are a nation of the people, and for the people. Over 133 million people voted this year, the largest percentage of registered voters in over forty years! We should give thanks for our freedom to vote and participate in the greatest democracy the world has ever seen.

We need to remember however, our future as followers of Christ, is not determined by elections. There is only one person in control of our future. As Corie ten Boom said, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

Learning to trust Him is a lifetime journey – one that can be exciting and life-changing if we keep our focus on the One who loves us beyond our wildest imagination. It is vitally important that we follow what the writer of Hebrews 12:2 says, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith . . .” I trust you are looking to Him tonight, and will continue to do so as we journey together as a nation, as communities, as congregations and families.

Larry Doyle

I don't know why but I am often marveled at the people in my life who seem to have it all together. Those who appear to have no trouble trusting in God. Though God has never let me down and I can quote plenty scripture about hope, I struggle with anxiety. There was a time when I would wake up in the middle of the night with severe panic attacks. I even went on medication for a time. When I read the words of my Uncle..."learning to trust is a lifetime journey..." I have hope. Not just hope that maybe I am not alone in my struggle with anxiety, fear, or whatever your struggle is. But rather hope that it's okay that trust is an every day kind of walk. So, join me won't you in as we learn to trust Jesus..."the author and finisher of our faith."

Submission leads to Redemption

2009-01-17T09:05:00.005-06:00

There are two songs that you've probably heard on the radio that I wanted to share here. Songs of redemption and utter submission. It's funny how God pricks your thoughts with things that come out of no where. Lately I have struggled with a numbness towards God and anything God-centered. It's not that I am angry or depressed; I just feel nothing. I want to feel. I want to cry. I want God. Have you had a similar experience lately? If so, read on...

I was driving to work the other day I heard these two songs back to back. As I became familiar with the chorus of the first time I began to sing along. I was beginning to get just a sense of God's presence. Then another song came on that I had heard before so I continued to sing along. In no time I felt God.

As I reflected through out the day on those songs I am once again reminded that God is not all about me. I am to be all about God. If I give no thought of God and His perfect will in my daily walk, I not only miss out on tremendous blessing but I will suffer as I have been suffering.

So without further delay, here are the songs that God used to speak to me. I hope that they will speak to you.

Savior, Please
Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

It Feels Like Redemption
Michael English

I know how hopeless feels
When you're staring at the bottom of an empty hole
In my life I know how forgotten feels
Wondering if the world even knows who you are

But I've never known anything, felt anything
Like the love of Jesus
And it's hard to describe what's happening inside
But right now all I know is

It feels like redemption raining down on me
It feels like forgiveness is come to set me free
All my chains have been lifted
'Cause when the hands of love touch a broken life
It feels like redemption

Now I know how thankful feels
'Cause I am overwhelmed by this gift of grace
And I know how healing feels
'Cause all my pain and all my shame
And all my tears have been erased

It feels like redemption raining down on me
It feels like forgiveness is come to set me free
All my chains have been lifted
'Cause when the hands of love touch a broken life
It feels like

Say goodbye, the past is ending
Say hello to a new beginning
No more night
The sun is shining

Feels like redemption raining down on me
It feels like forgiveness is come to set me free
All my chains have been lifted
'Cause when the hands of love touch a broken life
And when the hands of love touch a broken life
It feels like redemption

I cried out to the Lord, He heard my cry
He healed my heart and He touched my life
It feels like redemption

So say goodbye, the past is ending
Say hello to a new beginning
Feels like
Feels like redemption

Offended by God

2009-01-14T13:48:00.004-06:00

If you desire intimate union with God you must be willing to pay the price for it. The price is small enough. In fact, it is not even a price at all: it only seems to be so with us. We find it difficult to give up our desire for things that can never satisfy us in order to purchase the One Good in Whom is all our joy - and in Whom, moreover, we get back everything else that we have renounced besides!

The fact remains that contemplation will not be given to those who willfully remain at a distance from God, who confine their interior life to a few routine exercises of piety and a few external acts of worship and service performed as a matter of duty. Such people are careful to avoid sin. They respect God as a Master. But their heart does not belong to Him.
- Thomas Merton –

I am in a rare moment of silence. The time of prayerlessness has ended...or has it? This quote has stung me. Like a bee. What’s interesting about this quote is that this topic it is exactly what I was listening to the other day on my way to work. Funny how God works those things out isn’t it?

I bought a Bible study and accompanying audio CDs. The speaker was talking about how we often times are “offended” by God when He doesn’t obey – when He doesn’t do what we think He should. When we are offended, we withhold our hearts from God. Some fall away from church...but many stay right where they are “supposed” to be. We continue to go to church or Bible study but we have removed ourselves from God, withholding our hearts from anything He has to say.

Thomas Merton came to the same conclusion many years ago. His assertion that those like I’ve described respect God but they do not belong to Him is unsettling.

But I do belong to Him! I’ve accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. I go to church. I teach my kids about Jesus, God and the power of the Holy Spirit. But what does it say about me that I have drawn back?

Why am I stuck in a perpetual cycle of prayerlessness-surrender-prayer? Merton says if I desire that union with God, I have to give up my desires. Period. Nothing else will do. If I desire anything more, I wind up being offended. So I must return to Him, open my heart and allow Him to peel back the layers of self-centeredness, self-reliance, selfishness, and all that goes on with it. As He peels back the layers, I am assaulted by the ugliness of it all.

This realization won’t prevent me from being “offended” but it may help in identifying it before it’s too late.

Labor of Love

2009-01-01T20:46:00.007-06:00

We're studying 1 Thessalonians in Sunday School. Though I've read the book before, it wasn't until I was studying and then later teaching the first chapter that one verse hit me square between the eyes. Read this, "We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ."

Consider what Paul was saying:
1. Work produced by faith
2. Labor prompted by love
3. Endurance inspired by hope

What is it that spurs us on in our Christian walk? What are our motivations for going to church or going the extra mile or even telling someone about Jesus?

I confess...this scripture is a stark reminder to me that too often I am motivated by the wrong things in my work for the Lord. What is supposed to be a joy and privilege has become a mindless activity done because that is what I've always done.

In 2009 I want to recapture the joy of my salvation, to begin a new work that is produced by my faith in Jesus Christ and labor because I love Him and that love compels me to love others. I want to run with endurance that is inspired by the hope I have in life everlasting.

Crowley Family Fellowship

2008-10-13T23:37:00.002-05:00

It's begun...Friday we met as a family to discuss what God led us to during our 40 days of prayer. We agreed on the name Crowley Family Fellowship, which espouses a number of things that we believe God has called us to.

First, we are in the Crowley community. We live in Crowley, our children go to school in Crowley, we shop in Crowley, we love the people of Crowley.

Second, we've always said we're a family. But this time around this family is committed to doing and seeing the family grow. We want others to join our family because we love God and we love people. We are called to love because of what God has done for us.

Lastly, we are a fellowship. This part of the name comes from Acts 2:42 which says, "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." It doesn't say that they devoted themselves to fellowship but to THE fellowship.

I am excited about what God has planned for us as our Family listens and moves out. Your prayers, as always, are greatly appreciated!!

Confirmation

2008-09-02T17:09:00.004-05:00

Last Sunday was a great day! I don't doubt what God is doing in our family but I confess...the confirmation I received was an added bonus! When I woke up Sunday, I was thinking of the scripture that I used in my last post. I pulled out my Bible and read the entire 8th chapter of Romans. Later Jim joined me in the living room and I read him the verses from my last post. He and I talked about the challenges we would face.

During the service, God was definitely with us. I haven't been more at peace in a service in quite a while. Pastor opened the service for each to pray as God led. After several prayers were lifted, Jordan read the same verse from Romans that I had read to Jim just a couple of hours earlier.

Later I asked Jordan why he read those verses. He said in a very matter-of-fact tone, "I know those verses and I really like them." His reaction was as if he were saying, "Mom, don't be so surprised I know my Bible."

I know I shouldn't be so surprised that God is paying attention to what we're going. Or that God is moving in my 13-year old. Or that our family is responding to the wave that God has started. So, yeah. I needed this confirmation. Yeah.

Under Attack

2008-08-29T08:49:00.004-05:00

God is directing. We are responding. Satan is attacking.

Wednesday was a powerful time of prayer in response to God's directing. I've known for months that God was instructing me to speak up and I have been miserable because I stayed quiet. Wednesday I couldn't hold back any longer...so I spoke up. Who knew that it was going to be the right time? God did.

A movement has begun with our family...the family we used to call Pleasantview Baptist. But evidently Satan doesn't want us to move out in God's direction because I can feel the attack we are under. Our good friend, Jackie, told us immediately after the service that she has a "suspicious" looking lymph node. I got home and got an email that I allowed to steal my joy. Then there was something else to throw me. I confess...I became angry where in just an hour before, I was at peace.

Jim sat down at the kitchen table with me and said I had to pray right then and there. Truthfully, I wanted to hold on to my anger and nurse it a while. He began praying and I just sobbed. I couldn't speak because I knew I was wrong in my anger. Finally I let go and asked for forgiveness and then prayed about the very thing that had made me angry.

When we were finished, Jim looked at me and said, "We are obviously doing what God wants because we are under attack." I am convinced that we will face difficulties in what we are embarking upon. We will have "issues" in our own lives that will cause us to lose sight of the big picture but WE MUST STAND FIRM. God will bring us through if we rely completely on Him. Be strong and courageous.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

God is So Cool

2008-08-27T13:08:00.005-05:00

This past Sunday I shared with my Sunday School class the verses from Hebrews 12 that got me through my overwhelming week at work. In fact, we studied the first twelve. This week has been no less overwhelming but God knew I would need confirmation of His presence. As I was reading tonight, I clicked on Average Girl and discovered my confirmation. Her last post talked about the same passage in Hebrews that I had been reading.

God is so cool - to speak through others whom I have never met but share a bond with is just awesome. So, thanks God.

Surprising Comfort

2008-08-25T22:43:00.006-05:00

Blogging ... I confess, it's not something that I ever would have imagined I'd be doing. I scoffed at it before I knew the why or how or what of blogging. I discovered blogging because a good friend started one when she found out she and her husband were going to have a baby. I loved reading about how her pregnancy was progressing and now seeing pictures of her baby.

Every night, even when I don't have time to blog myself, I catch up on several bloggers that I read regularly. I don't really know why I am drawn to these people - most I have never met - except that they provide a surprising comfort to me with their words. They are dealing with things that I deal with or have a perspective on life or the Bible that I causes me to re-think, dig deeper or just contemplate over. Others are just plain funny.

Several such posts come to mind:

Stick with me...this is funny and not a personal reflection
The Nearness of God
It's Going to Be a Great Day
The Choices We Make
Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry Part 1
Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry Part 2
Seven Deadly Behaviors of Ministry Part 3

Yet there is an even better read; one that has the answers to all my problems, questions, heartaches and anguish. The original blog. So, if you're in need of comfort, read one of God's many comforts.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Chorinthians 2:1-4

It's Time for School!

2008-08-23T08:59:00.004-05:00

Yeah! School is just around the corner. Aside from the obvious reason to love going back to school - buying new school supplies (yes, I love new pens, pencils, crayons, markers but that's a post for another day) - we are excited about coming to the time when the necessity for routine comes around.

I confess...we've been a little lax in the Billman household when it comes to bed time, chores, and the like. School is just the thing to put our household in order... I think. It's Saturday morning and the older kids spent the night with my parents. The little ones are still asleep because we let them stay up to watch a movie and sleep on the couch bed. I should be cleaning or something yet I've wasted a good hour and a half just hanging out in Facebook trying to find friends from high school.

I got in to update my profile to add my new graduate school. Yes, that's right. As if my life weren't crazy enough, I'm going back to school. I have this awesome opportunity to go to graduate school through the Naval Post Graduate School in Monterrey, California. I will attend classes via a PC camera. Others like me will do the same. The instructor will teach from his computer in Monterrey. In addition to that, the Army has sponsored my education so it will cost me nothing AND I get to do it during work, two days a week. Of course, studying and writing papers is on my own time.

Why, might you ask, am I taking on yet another task when it appears that I have so many already??? I confess...I know it may appear that now may not be the best timing but it is God's timing, I believe. This opportunity is only offered every two years (it takes two years to complete the program) and to top it off, it may not be funded. This year it is being offered. This year Army is funding. I prayed about it and didn't no for an answer so I applied.

Of course, being with the Government there were a 100 hoops to jump through, which I did. Then there was the competitive selection process, which I passed. And now there is just peace left that I am doing the right thing at the right time.

So the necessity for routine is much greater than in years past. Jaden is starting Kindergarten. Jordan is going into 8th and Caitlin into 4th. And I'm starting school after, ahem, 14 years of not being in school! It's going to be an adventure, for sure!

Feeling a Bit Overwhelmed?

2008-08-21T22:29:00.002-05:00

I confess...yesterday I was feeling bit overwhelmed. Work, as I've mentioned before, has been frantically busy. Yesterday was no different. I got an email from our new administrative assistant that had a scripture verse in very small type at the bottom of it. The verse was just what I needed to read at that moment so I thought I would share it with you - plus the verse before it. I've printed it and it's now just under my monitor. Today when decisions needed to be made and I couldn't focus, I read through the verses.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:2-3

So, feeling a bit overwhelmed? Fix your eyes on Jesus. He's been through it all and then some.

What Have I Done?

2008-08-21T22:07:00.000-05:00

I confess...I am wondering what I have gotten myself into. About two months ago I accepted a supervisory position at work. I never fooled myself into believing it would be easy, but I never fully believed it would be this hard.

Don't get me wrong, I am having the time of my life. Work has never been more fast-paced and fun. I love what I do and the day just speeds by; this I really like because it makes the time away from my kids less painful. We're hiring as fast as we can to help with the workload so there's new people to train as well. I like training, teaching and showing others just how much I love the work we do in Fort Worth.

But...there are personnel issues, decisions to make, and a host of things I can't really talk about. I thought being a Mom would prepare me for most of the stuff I would have to deal with. It just never occurred to me that I would be using my Mom skills dealing with grown-up issues.

So, I could use your prayers. Lots of them. I am in need of guidance and direction more than ever in my career yet I am in a season of prayerlessness. I close my eyes to pray and nothing comes. I don't mind being still and listening but I'm not hearing anything either.

As I was cleaning my desk, I came across an article I saved from a Bible study I did on priorities. It pointed out that one of the keys to identifying whether your priorities are out of alignment is prayerlessness. I recognize that work is consuming a lot of my time but it has to - it's "end of year" and we have more work to do than ever before.

Several days have passed since I first started this post. In my confession, I realize that the confession that needed to occur was my confession to the Lord. I surrendered this time of prayerlessness to Him. I wish I could say that it was instantaneously fixed because it isn't. It is better, and that is all that I can ask for.

Egypt Update #7

2008-08-17T19:41:00.003-05:00

He's home! Jim and his team arrived safely around 2:00 p.m. today. We've had a wonderful afternoon...Jim hasn't stopped talking about all that he saw, heard and did in Egypt.

As we were driving home, he got choked up when he was talking about going to the mosk and watching a man and two his sons. He said that the father was showing his sons how to pray and the sons were just soaking every word and action up. We have men in our country who will show their boys how to "be a man," how to play ball, how to get good grades in school and some how to treat a lady BUT there are far too few showing their sons how to pray and be a man of God.

This trip has obviously had an impact on Jim and I can't wait to find it all out.

Thank you again for all your prayers for Jim and the team's safety. Please continue to pray for Josh and his family. They have a lot of work to do. So apparently do we.

Egypt Update #6

2008-08-16T23:59:00.001-05:00

He's coming home!! Jim sent me a text telling me he's in Frankfurt and waiting for his flight home. He gets in around 2:30 tomorrow and I can't sleep I'm so excited.

The last couple of days the team has taken some time to be tourists. They went to Cairo, Egypt to visit the pyramids, sphinx, sail across the Nile, and ride a camel! They went shopping in the market in Cairo and he said it was absolutely CRAZY. He did a lot of negotiating with the vendors despite the fact that he really didn't want to.

I'm so thankful that God has answered prayers for their safety and my sanity (though at times I felt on the cusp of losing it big time). Thank you for all your prayers! We are so thankful for everyone!

One last thing...we are tentatively scheduling a debriefing at the church on Sunday morning, August 24th. We'd love to have you!

Egypt Update #5

2008-08-13T23:45:00.003-05:00

Just a quick update - I was able to talk with Jim earlier today. He said "Things are going well. Please tell everyone to keep doing what they're doing."

So, keep praying! God is good and I can't wait to share with you all once he gets home all that He has done!

Love you!

Egypt Update #4

2008-08-13T11:19:00.002-05:00

I missed Jim's calls yesterday because I was in a meeting. I did hear through the kids that he ate some interesting Egyptian food and was enjoying helping Josh set up his website. I received a text early this morning saying he'd been to the "port" and it was amazing and that they'd been to a mosk.

I just received a text from Jim today saying it had been a great day. Earlier in the day they went to see the fishermen take their boats out. He said in his text he "pulled in some nets with some fishermen" and saw some catacombs.

Though he can't say it, you can fully expect that he is having great conversations about other fishermen from long ago who met THE fisher of men. Continue to pray that he has opportunities to tell the Story.

Egypt Update #3

2008-08-11T22:05:00.002-05:00

I talked with Jim today while he was at the home of their sponsor, Josh. It was about 10:15 p.m. there and they were working on setting up a website for Josh.

I didn't have much time to talk to Jim because I was late for a meeting at work. But he sent me an email of his experience at the zoo, I thought I would share with you:

"Things are going well. We went to the zoo and took pics of people. It was incredible. The people are very friendly. I have had some great talks with taxi drivers. It was sad for the animals. They are so mistreated but the families there were great to shoot." (video that is...)

Please continue to pray for their safety and the opportunities God has for them to minister.

Pray for me and the kids. My brother and his family are back at home in Canada but my kids had grown accustomed to staying up late with their cousins that they have had a difficult time settling in at night. I am so worn out from work and playing host that my patience is thin. I know I am blessed because I have really good kids but tired Mom and hyper kids is not a good mix.

Love you all!

Egypt Update #2

2008-08-10T17:19:00.003-05:00

Jim called at 11:15 pm Egypt time...that's 3:15 p.m. Texas time. He was getting ready to turn in for the night. He said it's a completely different culture - there were still plenty of people AND their children out and about despite the lateness of the hour.

He said his room that overlooked the Mediterranean didn't have air conditioning so they were moved to a different room. He said the room wouldn't have been so bad but he had to leave the window open and it was noisy outside. Hopefully tonight he'll get caught up on his sleep tonight since he only had four hours the night before.

They went to the zoo and to the beach to get some video. He said the zoo was a far cry from what we have here...I'm sure we'll here more later. He did say he's had a great time riding in taxis and getting to talk with the locals.

He said he had to be very careful about what he said or put into email or text. Even as he talked to me there was a policeman watching him.

Continue to pray for their safety and for God to present opportunities.

Egypt Update #1

2008-08-10T00:14:00.002-05:00

Jim sent me a text when he got to Frankfurt, Germany to tell me they'd made it safely thus far. After their 12 hour layover (and walking around in Frankfurt), he sent a second text to tell me that he was getting on the plane. I got a third text when they landed in Egypt and a phone call when he got to the hotel.

It was 4:00 a.m. Sunday Egypt time when he called. He was going to rest in his hotel room until 9 when he had to meet his team. He said his room overlooked the Mediterranean. His room is small and old but it is clean. He said things are very "different" there. I'll try to get more from him next time.

He said that some of the mission work is being done at the beach so please pray that God will give the team an opportunity to share and be praying for those at the beach that they would be open to hearing the Word.

Love you all!

Missions and the Church

2008-08-03T01:31:00.004-05:00

Jim is leaving Friday for Egypt. I confess...I am a little apprehensive. I'm not apprehensive for his safety. He is a big boy and I know God will be with them every step of the way. I'm not apprehensive for what he will be doing; he is a wonder at what he does. I am apprehensive how I will handle things at home and church without him plus get to work and be sane. But, I have to say I have wonderful parents and in-laws that will take care of me. Having said that, that's not really what this post is about.

For the last couple of years Jim's heart has been burdened because our church has not been sending. I have had a similar burden. This week as I was preparing my Sunday School lesson, I came across the following quote by Mendell Taylor, "The Church must send or the Church will end."

While I see that we are responding in a small way by sending Jim to Egypt, it simply cannot begin and end with him. The Great Commission was not a suggestion...it was a command. If we can't fulfill a fundamental command then how can we be effective in other areas of our ministry? How can we sustain our existence if we fail to be relevant in a culture where there are so many substitutes for God?

I am growing increasingly restless in church, in my prayer life, in many aspects of my "Christian walk" because I can't see where I am relevant to the hurting and hopeless that I come into contact with. I couldn't agree more with Trey Morgan. I am not content to simply study the life of Jesus. I want to live the life of Jesus. I am humbled, no shamed, by others I see that have "less commitment to the church" than I yet time and again are better at being His hands and feet than I am because they've made choices to make themselves available to God. I guess I've gotten to busy doing church that I've forgotten to BE the church.

God, Forgive me for looking past the needs of those around me as I get so busy doing church that I have forgotten to be the church. I'm willing to go...send me, Lord.

Respectability

2008-07-27T23:17:00.004-05:00

"Let us not...delude ourselves with easy and infantile conceptions of holiness...Mere external respectability, without deper or more positive moral values, brings discredit upon the Christian faith." Thomas Merton

We are called to live a life of holiness in 1 Peter 1:15, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do." Some might think that holiness refers only to how I act or speak outwardly but as Mr. Merton clearly points out, mere "respectability" brings about discredit to the Christian faith.

How many times have I refrained from saying something unkind or hurtful, or refrained from making a gesture or thought twice about acting out of frustration PURELY because I was in the company of someone who might think badly of my behavior (I'm opening Christian, mind you)? How may times have I "let it all out" when in the company of those who know me best because I don't have to put on a front? Shame on me!

My standards should apply no matter who is around because God sees me ALL the time. My view of holiness must not be focused on proving to others how good I followed all the outward steps, principles and outlook of Christianity. Rather, it must be focused on the improvement of my inward thoughts and desires.

"Create a pureheart in me Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Marvelous God

2008-07-22T10:15:00.005-05:00

This morning as I was driving to work I was thinking over the last couple of weeks and was overcome with the feeling of how blessed I am and how good God is. I began to just cry out to God in prayer and the following verses came to me. I thought I would share them with you.

"Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods." 1 Chronicles 16:23-25

Great is the Lord, He is most worthy to be praised. If we stop to consider how much praise we give out, we may find ourselves embarrased at how little is given to God. We praise sports teams, musical artists, actors, philosophers, scientists, and many, many other people/things yet the One who is MOST worthy to be praise is often overlooked.

When I consider all that God has done, despite my attempts to get in the way or screw things up, I can't help but be overwhelmed by His marvelousness! He IS worthy. Take the time to stop now and recognize and praise God for what He has done for you!

Genuine Community

2008-07-20T14:17:00.008-05:00

I confess...I'm in love with my husband! It's not just because he is so handsome (because he is), it's not because he sweeps me off my feet (because he has done that on occasion), but because he is a man of God.

This past week was difficult with Jim being gone to Super Summer. This isn't the first time he's been gone and it won't be the last. I generally experience these emotions but it was more difficult this time. I felt as if my left arm had been cut off. It certainly has a lot to do with the fact that we have four children, a business to run, ministry to do and a full-time job to boot. But I think more than anything it is because God is dealing with me in a mighty way.

On the way back from Abilene where I took the youth, Jim's dad and I had a good conversation about our church. I know our church has a long history (some good, some bad) in our community but even after all hardships we're still around. I believe there is a reason for this. I believe we have a purpose to serve in the community BUT that we are not fulfilling it because we haven't gathered lately as a body to determine what God's purpose is for our church today, tomorrow and in the near future. There are Sundays where I feel as if we are merely going through the motions.

Time and again we have experienced growth only to find that we fall back to our same pattern of going through the motions. I confess...it's hard to maintain growth. It's easier to bump along because we are so busy with other parts of our lives.

Last night I was trying to finalize my lesson for Sunday School and I just couldn't make it come together. I had such a heavy heart that I didn't believe I would be of any use to God today. So Jim invited me and the youth to be a part of his class this morning. They are going through the book of Acts, which as you know is the story of the early church.

I don't believe it is coincidence that God had Jim choose that material or that I am reading everything I can get my hands on that talks about the church's purpose. So this morning we joined them and I am so glad I did.

Jim started with a recap of the previous three lessons (mind you these three lessons have taken the last two months to get through because there is so much to this study). He reminded us of what makes up genuine community in the church:

1) Learning of Christ—studying the life of Christ, especially through studying Scripture and interpreting it by Christ

2) Loving one another—growing in relationships based on vulnerability, honesty, authenticity, and mutual humility that move beyond individualism to relational faith

3) Worshiping God—focusing on the sacrificial life and teachings of Jesus Christ and his discipline of prayer as dialogue with God about God’s desire and vision for the church and the world

4) Including new believers—extending warm hospitality that embraces diversity and assimilates new people into the life of the faith

Through our discussion and reading Acts 3 - 5, we learned that God used one event (the healing of the lame man) to bring about a chain reaction that led to more people coming to know Christ. Yesterday we experienced an event that was a first for our church - a coupon class. We talked about this class as God using us to be His hands and feet. Teaching people skills to help them if they are struggling financially. I firmly believe that God is dealing with me and others in our church to move us to re-evaluate our community of faith.

We want to have genuine community but if given a grade probably fall short in the inclusion of new believers. We discussed that inclusion of new believers assumes that we are being missional and that there are people coming to Christ for the first time. We must be intentional in our mission efforts. This is lacking in my own life and I see that it is in the life our our community.

We ended the class with what God has laid on our hearts - a new community of faith emerging from what once was Pleasantview Baptist Church. I covet your prayers as we seek God's will for our community of faith. It's more than changing our name and coming up with a "purpose" statement. It's a total commitment to what God has called us to as the community of faith in Crowley.

To close...I love my husband because God is working in him to and I know that whatever challenges we face, whatever obstacles may come our way, he is leading us in finding God's will for our family as well as our community of faith. He desires genuine community and watching him teach about it makes me love him all that much more!

A Day of Posts

2008-07-06T18:12:00.010-05:00

Since there are five unfinished posts, topics all important enough to finish, I thought I would finish them today as I am sitting enjoying the remainder of the holiday weekend. So, here they are in date order of when I started them.

Also, I thought I would share with you a blogger I came across from reading Trey Morgan. I can always count on Trey to find blogs worth passing on. I nearly wet my pants from laughing at this one.

Glorify God

2008-07-05T18:21:00.004-05:00

I googled "live in God" for the Live in God, Not in Fear post and came across this. I just had to share. It is excerpted from The Keys to Spiritual Growth by John MacArthur, ©2001, published by Crossway Books.

“Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.” The Westminster Shorter Catechism

How does a person glorify God? No question is more practical or more significant. The supreme purpose in life for any man or woman—for anyone who has ever been born into this world—is to glorify God. That is what living is all about. Glorifying God is the end result of the Christian life. Spiritual maturity is simply concentrating and focusing on the person of God until we are caught up in His majesty and His glory.

I would like to suggest some practical ways for the Christian to glorify God:

• Confess Your Sins. Confession of sin glorifies God because if you excuse your sin, you absolve yourself of responsibility and blame God for letting you get into a mess. Adam illustrates this. When God confronted him, what was his excuse? “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12). He was practically saying, “You did it, God. If You hadn’t given me this woman, none of this would ever have happened.”

To do that is to blame God and thus to assign guilt to Him. But God is never at fault when we sin. Implying that He is somehow responsible maligns His holiness. So those who try to sneak out from under the absolute responsibility for their own sin commit a grievous sin against the glory of God.

First John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The Greek word for “confess” is homologeo, meaning “to say the same thing.” To confess means to agree with God that sin is all our fault and to repent. That act glorifies God. We don’t have to beg God for forgiveness. He is faithful and just to forgive as soon as we agree with Him.

• Bear Fruit. In John 15:8 Jesus told the disciples, “My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit.” Why? Because then the world can see the results of a Spirit-filled life. That is what we are here for—to put God on display to the world.

Colossians 1:10 says, “Walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work.” Good works are fruit. When we live a life of good works, the world will see and glorify our Father in heaven.

• Give Praise to God. Psalm 50:23 says, “He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me.” Praise honors God. One way to praise God is to give Him credit for everything. In 2 Samuel 12:26-31, when Joab won the victory against Rabbah and got possession of the enemy’s crown, he sent for David so he could present the crown to him. This is a good illustration of how the Christian should act toward the Master. You win a victory in your life, but you don’t wear the crown. You give it to the Lord, who has won the victory for you.

• Be Content. We may be discontented about ourselves and about our circumstances. But who made us? God. And He promises to supply all our needs. When we are content, we acknowledge God’s sovereignty in our lives, and that gives Him glory. If we are discontented, it’s the same as questioning God’s wisdom. That doesn’t glorify Him.

Paul testified, “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Philippians 4:11). Paul was confident that God would use all things—poverty as well as abundance, comfort as well as pain—for Paul’s good and God’s glory (Romans 8:28). He didn’t say, “I’ll give God glory in spite of my pain.” He said, “I will give God glory because of it.”

A Christian who is discontented for any reason—job, spouse, finances—is a terrible testimony about the goodness of our God. What kind of God do we have? Is He really sovereign? Can He really be trusted? Glorifying God means that we praise Him with absolute contentment, knowing that our lot is God’s plan for us now.

• Pray According to God’s Will. Jesus said, “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:13). Jesus’ name signifies all that He is and all that He would want. Praying in His name means praying in accordance with His character and His will. And God delights to reveal His glory in answered prayer. That is why He commands us to pray—so He can show us His greatness and we can give Him the praise He’s worthy to receive.

• Proclaim God’s Word. Paul wrote, “Brethren, pray for us that the word of the Lord will spread rapidly and be glorified, just as it did also with you” (2 Thessalonians 3:1). How was the Word glorified through those believers? Because they heard it and believed. They trusted Christ and were born again—and God got the glory.

Presenting the Word clearly and accurately always gives Him glory. Every time a Sunday school teacher teaches a class of kids, every time a Bible study leader opens the Word in someone’s living room, every time a father sits down with his family and starts talking about the Word of God, God is glorified. We honor Him by making His Word known and understood.

• Lead Others to Christ. God also gets glory when people are redeemed. He is glorified when Satan’s prison is broken open and men and women are turned loose from the power of the evil one. People are saved from their sins in order to give God glory. So the more people who get converted, the more thanksgiving is going on, and the more there are in the choir singing, “Hallelujah!” (2 Corinthians 4:15).

How to Enjoy God

When we live to glorify God, He responds by giving us overwhelming joy. “Well,” you say, “I have a tough life. I just don’t have any joy.” May I suggest an answer? Start glorifying God.

Joy does not necessarily always make sorrow, discouragement, pain, and failure go away, but Christians can experience supernatural joy even in the midst of those things. In fact sin is ultimately the only thing that can steal Christians’ joy. When our joy begins to fade, it is a sure sign of encroaching sin or unbelief. What can we do in times like that? Get down on our knees and confess the sin in our lives. We need to pray with David, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation” (Psalm 51:12). Then we yield to the Holy Spirit, and joy returns.

Jesus desires that His joy remain in us (John 15:11). His joy that we know in part now is what we will know perfectly in heaven. Perhaps the greatest promise in all the Bible is 1 Thessalonians 4:17: “We shall always be with the Lord.” Now that’s joy!

Awwwww!

2008-07-02T23:06:00.007-05:00

Okay, so I've been wanting to post for a week now and I haven't had time. In fact, I have no less than FOUR blog topics that I've started that I haven't finished! I haven't even had time to check on my two favorite blogs - Matt and Jenn Swaim and Trey Morgan. So, after an exhausting time of getting the four hoodlums, I mean children, to sit down so we could talk about our day tomorrow and pray with them, I pulled up my laptop to read! I could barely wait...the anticipation was killing me. I clicked through to Matt and Jenn's blog...

I love seeing pictures of baby Joshua and reading antics from Jenn, Matt and Hank (the dog). I got caught up on the Swaim household and was surprised to read a very touching post about our long relationship with Jenn. I was in tears and at the same time so thankful that the work that God has done through Jim and I has been for His glory! Thank you, Jenn. I love you more than words can say!

Jenn with our son, Jaden. Jenn you are absolutely beautiful!

Happy Birthday, Jim

2008-06-30T21:49:00.011-05:00

Today, I spent the day with Jim and our kids at the lake for Jim's birthday. I wanted to share some of the highlights of the day in picture form. Happy birthday, honey. I love you more than words can say. The last nineteen years of my life have been a blast. I can't wait for the next nineteen.

Loading the boats...can you see the excitement?

Everybody has a job. If you look carefully, Jordan is connecting the battery to the old boat. He'll drive that one off the trailer to the shore. He 's not "legal" until he turns 13 in August. Until then, we limit the time he drives.

Jaden standing on the trailer waiting for the boats to be put in the water. He can't wait.

Caitlin sitting astride one of the boats. She looks like she knows what she's doing!

My job is to pull the trailer off the ramp and park The Beast. Cali took this picture of me while we were waiting for them to finish loading the boats.

I took this picture of Cali...isn't she a doll?

Jim, you're as handsome as ever!

Stop the World

2008-06-26T23:19:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Matthew West, for writing so succinctly what I am feeling this week:

The TV is talking
The telephone’s ringing
The lights are all on
And the radio’s screaming
A million distractions are stealing my heart from You
I’m tired and empty
This life is relentless
It weakens my knees
And breaks my defenses
It’s wearing me down and I’m desperate to hear from You

Stop the world I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me

I need to be still before I make a move
I need to be humble with nothing to prove
I need Your Word to show me the truth
And I need time, precious time

Stop the world I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me
Stop the world I’m ready to listen
Show me sign, give me a vision of heaven
I can hold on to
Stop the world I need some time with You

Before I can find my voice
I need to hear Your voice
Above all the senseless noise

Seventeen

2008-06-22T21:40:00.000-05:00

Seventeen...it's really hard to believe that Jim and I have been married for seventeen years. It feels like yesterday that we were newly wed and living in seminary housing. Yes, I was a young bride (if you subtract 17 from 37 that's right, you get 20) but I never would have traded my early marriage for anything in the world. This has been a great 17 years!

In honor of my seventeenth anniversary, I thought I would post seventeen wonderful things about my marriage to Jim.

1. Jim loves me for who I am not what I look, act or talk like.
2. Jim and I share a deep love for Jesus.
3. We have a passion for youth ministry.
4. I could spend 24 hours a day with Jim and never grow weary of being with him.
5. We share a similar love for movies of all genres, although sometimes I think he merely tolerates my "girl" movies!
6. I love singing with Jim. Our voices compliment each other well.
7. We have made four beautiful children, and I'm not biased ONE BIT!
8. We both believe in putting God first, our marriage second, and our children third. Some may not understand why, but we firmly believe that if our children know that we are committed first to our relationships with the Lord, and then committed to each other that we are showing them the best example of how to be a husband and wife.
9. Strange as it may seem, we don't argue. We rarely disagree. It's not for everyone but it certainly is for us.
10. Jim is spontaneous. I am not. It has served us well in 17 years of ministry.
11. Jim is extremely creative. I am analytical. Together we form a diverse pair.
12. We can talk about anything...and in 17 years we haven't run out of things to talk about!
13. Jim has challenged me to look at why I believe what I do. Before meeting Jim, I believed in God and accepted many things because my mother and father believed. He has challenged me to search the scriptures and form my own opinion. In most cases, I reaffirmed my belief but I am stronger and more committed for having studied.
14. Jim loves all things Disney just as much as I do!
15. We share a love of good food and trying new foods. We went to Texas de Brazil where we sampled tabbouleh, lobster bisque and orzo with roasted red peppers. YUM!
16. Jim has a keen ability to sense when something is wrong. Some times I don't hide it but many times I try...unsuccessfully. He knows me too well.
17. I know the next 17 years are going to be even better than the first!

Happy Anniversary, Jim. I'm so glad that God made you for me!

Community

2008-06-21T23:15:00.006-05:00

"Each believer adds to or subtracts from a congregation's capacity to experience genuine Christian community."

Agree? Disagree?

Thirty-seven

2008-06-20T20:02:00.005-05:00

In honor of the number 37 (wink, wink), I thought instead of wishing I could skip this day, I would count the top 37 reasons I am blessed. Here goes:

1. I have hope for the future (Jeremiah 29:11).
2. I have the most amazing husband.
3. I have four great kids.
4. Jesus died for me (John 3:16).
5. My wonderful parents live in town.
6. I have good health.
7. My wonderful in-laws also live in town.
8. Jim's grandmother, Grandma Great, is such a sweet woman and SHE lives in town, too.
9. My kids have a great relationship with all their grandparents
10. Grandma Great's chocolate cake.
11. Our family enjoys spending time together.
12. I have a great job.
13. We have a lot of fun at the lake with our two Yamaha WaveRunners.
14. Jordan.
15. Caitlin.
16. Jaden.
17. Calise.
18. Jim and I could spend 24 hours a day with each other and never get tired of one another.
19. I live in a country where I can worship God openly.
20. Sweet Cream Ice Cream with double Reece's Peanut Butter Cups.
21. My mother-in-law and I have a very special relationship. No mother-in-law jokes necessary!
22. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
23. Dear friends...today I received a three cards, two e-cards, a Diet Dr. Pepper, a voodoo office kit and lots of hugs!
24. Breakfast in bed every Mother's Day.
25. Music to lift my spirit...my current favorite - Steven Curtis Chapman's "This Moment" CD.
26. iTunes and my iPod.
27. Dates with my husband.
28. Pei Wei: Lettuce Wraps, Teriyaki Chicken and Spring Rolls. Yum, yum.
29. Rainy days and old movies.
30. Peace in my home.
31. Did I mention dates with my husband? Oh, yeah. I did. It certainly counts for two! ;o)
32. Curly hair. Very easy to fix in the mornings.
33. Naps.
34. God's not finished with me, yet (Philippians 1:6)
35. Prayer.
36. The unconditional love of a man who wants to share his life with me.
37. The love of a Father who cares about me so much He sent his Son to earth so He could experience earthy pain and strife, so He could die a painful death, so that I might have a relationship with the Father.

Oxygen to the Soul

2008-06-19T18:33:00.004-05:00

Physician George Adams found encouragement to be so vital to a person’s existence that he called it “oxygen to the soul.” Developing the Leaders Around You, p 187 by John Maxwell

I’ve recently been promoted to a supervisory position. It’s not a job that was advertised or for which I interviewed, which IS rather surprising I know since I've interviewed for SO many in the last year, unsuccessfully I might add. And now I am, just like that. One day I wasn’t a supervisor and the next day I was. I thought I would be completely happy but it was kind of anti-climatic but that really is a post for another day.

I have a lot of management experience (as the mother of four children) and some Team Leader experience (for a multi-District team that I see only every other month for a couple of days) but little practical experience with the team that I'm now supposed to supervise. So when Jim and I were enjoying our most recent trip to Sam's Club without the children, I searched for some book on management or leadership. I came across a daily reader book comprised of excerpts from books by John Maxwell, a leadership expert who has written over 50 books. The title of this post is Thursday's daily entry.

This quote struck me as important to my new position. I have been a fairly independent worker - allowed to manage my workload with minimal input and oversight from my superiors. On those occasions when I began to feel overwhelmed, I would take my problems to my supervisor for advice. Many times the advice would be accompanied by encouragement - complete support that I could get the job done because I was talented, gifted, or had the skills.

My prayer for my team is that through similar leadership, I am able to bring about the best in each team member. The work we do for the Corps of Engineers is very important to our Soldiers and our Nation. We have very challenging days ahead. Our workload is extremely high and we have a deadline...September 30th. I believe through encouragement that they will exceed expectations, even their own.

I Went to the Right Party

2008-06-15T00:27:00.002-05:00

I teach the youth Sunday School class and this particular Sunday, we were studying the parable that Jesus told about the parable of the wedding banquet. We were talking about those that were the first invited guests and those that were invited after the original guests didn't show. I was making the point to the students that how cool was it that those attending the party could say they were accepted because they came to the party. One of the students said, "They went to the right party."

I immediately came home and started this post. I confess...it's been a month since I started this post. I never finished it but love the title and don't want to delete it. So, not much meat to this post just a cool title.

I went to the right party. I was invited even though I didn't deserve it. How cool is that?

Diet Secrets Revealed

2008-06-14T23:28:00.000-05:00

I confess...I'm a diet junkie. I've never really had lasting success with any diet program that I've started. Either I get bored or I think it's too hard or "it's just not the right diet for me." If you knew my BMI or my weight and compared it to the "normal' weights and BMI for women my height and age, you would find that I am considered obese - hence my search for the "perfect diet."

Well, in my search, I came across a diet from a guy named Jay Robb. I was intrigued by his diets (he actually has three) because he claims God brought him back from high blood pressure, diabetes and a host of other illnesses. I tried his "Three Day Fruit Flush" and was moderately successful with a 6 pound weight loss. I am now embarking on "The Fat Burning Diet," which sounds like something I could really use. After reading his book and trying out a couple of recipes, I think this may be "the one."

So, I'll start tomorrow. But before I close, I want to share the secret to dieting according to Jay Robb; a secret I tend to agree with...

"God is the answer. What is the question?"

Mental Blog

2008-06-09T00:05:00.007-05:00

I have several blog topics running around in my head but nothing seems to work it's way past my brain to my fingers. So many things I want to say yet nothing ... so until I'm free of the mental block, I'll post some favorite scripture.

Okay, so I started this post this several days ago and didn't get anywhere. Does that mean I don't have any favorite Bible verses? Well, no because I could rattle off a number of favorites but I started a search on Bible Gateway because I wanted to find something new. Yet nothing "jumped out" at me. I am stumped. I think that means that I haven't been in God's Word enough lately. I could blame it on being a single parent (this week while Jim's out of town), a single working parent, a single working parent with a dirty house, a tired, single, working parent with a dirty house, etc. You get the picture. Nothing really seems adequate to say why I haven't been in the Word. Yet, God is here. God is speaking.

"I'm listening, Lord. Teach me."

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:15-17

Leaky? Try Living Water

2008-06-08T12:56:00.002-05:00

Today's post title is the title of today's sermon, which I think was quite clever. I wanted to jot down a couple of thoughts before I forget with all that has to be done today.

1. When we are physically thirsty we drink many things that don't fill us up. We know that water is the best thing to satisfy our thirst.
2. When we are spiritually thirsty we attempt to fill us up with things just like soda, juice, alcohol that don't satisfy our thirst.
3. When we are dry physically, it's because of a couple of things
a. We've been filling up with things that only make us more thirsty.
b. We have problems and we're leaking.

The problem is not that we aren't being filled; it is that we have holes that need fixing. What holes do you need God to fix? Any you care to share?

Live in God, Not in Fear

2008-06-08T02:14:00.004-05:00

I saw the title of this post somewhere. I confess...I thought it would make a good blog subject so as soon as I got home, I started this post. Unfortunately, it's sat there as a draft for a month now. I don't know why I feel compelled to complete this post or why it matters to me, but it does. I just can't bear to delete it.

So, why do so many live in fear? Just look around you. There are signs everywhere warning us about this cancer or that bad food (hello, donuts) or the dangers of using the hairdryer while in the shower or bathtub. Some fear is good...a healthy respect for things that are dangerous is not necessarily a bad thing. Warnings such as don't touch the stove or you'll burn your hand; look both ways before crossing the street; and always wear clean underwear because you never know when you're going to get into an accident are ones to keep in mind. My warning to my children every time we visit a restroom is always wash your hands and NEVER touch the door without using paper towels. Jaden loves to taunt me by saying, "Ha, ha! I opened the door without using a paper towel." To which I promptly march him back in the bathroom for a "do-over."

Why not live in God? Why not just trust that he is sovereign and is capable of handling anything in our lives that comes our way? Do we really know what it means to live in God?

Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
I no longer live...Christ lives in me. If this is the case then it should be impossible to live in fear!

Hebrews 7:25 says, "Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." He completely saves? Yes! To those who come to God through Jesus, Jesus is able to save. There is no room for fear here.

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Anxiety and fear are one in the same. Casting all our fears on Him. It IS possible to live in God, not in fear.

Thank you, God. I am humbled at the thought that you care for the likes of me! I praise you for giving me the hope that I have and for taking the fear from my life and replacing it with YOU."

My Girl

2008-06-07T23:24:00.022-05:00

Today Caitlin danced in her fifth dance recital. I am so proud of her. I wanted to post a couple of pictures from the recital, plus some others. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Caitlin in her tap costume. She danced to "42nd Street."

Caitlin in her jazz number. She had "Fun, Fun, Fun." Good thing she's not driving. Daddy would not think twice before taking her T-bird away!

Caitlin and Ashytn showing off their clogging costumes. They danced to "Nobody's Perfect" but these girls were "More Than Perfect!"

And last, Caitlin in her ballet costume. Her ballet number was "Mayflower Ballet."

Jordan and Caitlin after the recital.

Cali...hamming it up!

Jaden at Pre-school Graduation

Dissatisfaction

2008-06-05T23:52:00.000-05:00

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

C.S. Lewis

Under the Boardwalk

2008-06-03T00:52:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I was catching up on my blog reading when I read Trey Morgan's blog showing a video of David Hasselhoff (of the TV show Baywatch) singing "Hooked on a Feeling." Being the total music nerd that I am, I just had to see more. Who knew the Baywatch boy had a singing career? Who knew Knight Rider could look more weird singing that he did in his TV show?

But, "Don't Hassel the Hoff" is not the subject of this post, Bruce Willis is. For many, the name Bruce Willis conjures up visions of airplanes and airports blowing up, lots of obscenities, and a young actor playing a private detective. How I didn't know this shows what a small world I live in...my husband on the other hand knew that Bruce Willis sang in a band. Maybe he's just well read and I'm not. Anyway...so I found this video after traipsing around for about an hour on YouTube.

Who knew Bruce Willis could sing?? Certainly not me, but I hope you enjoy this video of him as much as I did. Now, there is several other versions of this same song but him doing it live with the Temptations. How cool!

Problem Avoidance Part 1

2008-05-31T23:54:00.001-05:00

Today has not been what I would call a "happy day" at the Billman home. Jim is in Minnesota. I'm home after a week working in DC/enjoying Jim and Caitlin's company on this trip.

For whatever reason, the children seemed to be bent on being as argumentative, unruly and overly rude today to me and each other as they possibly can. I called Jim twice to whine about their behavior but felt completely guilty doing so. Often I'm the one out of town and Jim is left to cope with them alone. (Let me just say as an aside, I am completely thankful for my husband. He is incredible.)

All I asked today was that the two older kids get their homework done and the little children stay out of their way. If that was accomplished we'd go to a movie. It lasted for all of a minute. After an hour or so of fighting, not working, and me trying like mad to keep my voice down, I decided it was time for plan B - getting out of the house even though the work wasn't done.

I asked everyone to get dressed. We were going to get Caitlin's glasses adjusted and get a late lunch. I pulled over twice before we even got to the highway because they just couldn't keep their hands off each other (to make things more difficult we're taking the small car rather than drive the van to save $$ on gas).

During our lunch, I asked for their help. I told them I wanted to avoid losing (or finding) my temper. They promised they would behave. They promised to get along. We got in the car and before we left the parking lot, one or two were screaming because someone had hit or scratched or something. It was going to be a long 15 minute trip home.

Thankfully when we got home, Jordan did as I asked and cut the grass and watered the lawn. As I sat on the couch, attempting to work a bit, the fighting resumed between "he pulled my hair" and "she threw that at me" and much, much more. How was I going to get through the evening? A phone call rescued me. A free meal and company with friends from church! Yeah!

Now, as I sit on the couch I've started my new book, "The Search for Significance." I am struck by a particular line - one that is a very fitting end to my day. Robert McGee writes, "As Christians, our fulfillment in this life depends not on our skills to avoid life's problems but our ability to apply God's specific solutions to those problems."

So, what are God's solution to unruly children? I suppose I need to pause for a moment and search the scriptures. Until that time, what scriptures do you have for me that will help me get through?

Home At Last

2008-05-30T23:55:00.006-05:00

After a wonderful day at the National Zoo, we had lunch at the Spy Cafe, finished our shopping and left for the airport. Now as I sit home, with kids in their beds, I am happy.

God is so good. Better than any friend, better than any job, better than any experience I've experienced ever. I marvel at the privilege I have to be the mother to my kids and wife to my husband.

I confess...I don't like being away from my family but if I have to work, then thank God He's given me the job I have. I love what I do. No, I don't always like it but what a wonderful honor to work and have a small part in the places where our Nation's Soldiers will sleep, eat, work and play. How cool is that? I get to travel around the country (and world...Japan, Germany) and teach others what I know.

Beyond all that, I have the greatest story to tell. I am a sinner. God is holy and can't have any part of me and my sin. I deserve death but instead I have life. I have life because Jesus willingly died on the cross. He gave up heaven for earth to come and live with man, experience pain, suffering and death. What a story.

So yeah, I'm happy.

Middle fountain of the WWII Memorial with Washington Monument in background.

Caitie Kazoo

2008-05-29T23:06:00.000-05:00

This week has been amazing. I am so glad that Jim and Caitlin came along with me. Caitlin is very well spoken, nearly as tall as me (I know, that's not saying a lot), and handles herself very well. She is so mature that often I forget that she is only nine.

After dinner tonight - a wonderful dinner I might add - Jim and I were talking about her. Jim said that after spending this time alone with her, he has discovered that she is very witty. She talks nonstop about just about anything that is on her mind. (This trait I'm not sure where she gets, ha, ha :o)...). She is very caring and has wanted to buy gifts for everyone she knows, from her siblings, grandparents, friends to the kids that live next door to her Billman grandparents.

One of the disadvantages of being a working mother is that too often I am unable to focus on my children because I am so busy caring for them. Does this make sense? During the few daylight hours that are left once Jim and I get off work, there is so much to be done: cooking, cleaning, laundry, shuttling kids to ball games, practice and dance that there is little time left to observe them develop much less influence the day-to-day development.

Don't get me wrong, we take them to church. We talk about God and all that He has done for us. We pray with them every night and try to read the Bible weekly (this is a challenge with kids age 12 to 3). We attempt to mirror a Christ-like life in front of them. We talk about their day and things that are going on at school and grandma's house every night at dinner (wherever dinner happens to be), but it isn't often that one of them has our undivided attention. It isn't often that we have this opportunity to shower one of our children with total attention and uninterrupted time, which may be the best gift a parent can give a child, second only to leading her to Christ.

I thank God for this beautiful child He has given me. I thank God for my other three wonderful kids. Parents, cherish the time God gives you with your children. It will be gone before you know it.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Psalm 127

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

What a Wonderful World

2008-05-28T23:33:00.006-05:00

After work today, Jim, Caitlin and I walked over to the National Archives to view the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and other documents central to our country's history. As we walked, I snapped a number of pictures of various Government and non-Government buildings. As I did, I thought to myself, "this town is absolutely beautiful!"

We walked through Freedom Plaza and I was totally amazed at the planning that has gone into our Nation's Capitol. Check out this article on Freedom Plaza. This trip has been educational for me and certainly educational for Caitlin. I'm so thankful they came with me!

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:6

Around the World

2008-05-27T23:26:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago I had the privilege of going to Okinawa, Japan to teach a portion of a class that I've been teaching since Caitlin was a baby - Design Build. I teach one full day of the four and half day class. I have some pictures that I will share in another post soon.

This week I'm in our nation's Capitol with Jim and Caitlin. I had a meeting scheduled and ticket prices were decent so they decided to come along and be tourists while I work. Jim and I have wanted to take Caitlin on a trip with just the two of us since Jim and Jordan got to go to New York. I'm so glad we've gotten this opportunity.

On Friday when we get back from DC, Jim and his mom will fly to Minnesota to surprise his cousin, Corey, who is having a wedding reception on Saturday. They will get back on Monday, June 2nd. On Thursday, Jim will fly to Indiana to work SBC.

In August, Jim will fly to Egypt to participate in a media missions team. So, if you take my trips, our trip, and Jim's trips, we've gone around the world. And what is so important about this, you ask?

God is important. As I travel, I marvel at mankind roaming about, in many cases, completely oblivious to the story of salvation staring them in the face. Psalm 19:1 says, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge."

Today we walked around the National Mall, visited the Washington Memorial, the World War II Memorial and looked at the South side of the White House. As dusk settled in over DC, I marveled at the beauty - man made - but beautiful nonetheless. Beauty that God gave to us.

So, as you travel...whether around town or around the world, take a moment to declare as the heavens do just how GLORIOUS our GOD is.

At Peace

2008-05-20T23:16:00.004-05:00

My last post discussed a job opportunity that I needed to make a decision about. I have been praying for over a week and am at peace with my decision. I had pretty much decided that, while I would benefit in many ways from learning under my former boss, God had other plans for me that didn't include a move to Savannah. I received wise counsel from numerous friends.

One friend in particular said, "I will keep you in my prayers, but you already know that the Lord will lead you in the right direction. Unfortunately, He usually doesn't let us know His will by sending a big clap of thunder followed by a banner that says "Do this. . ." As just a view from my past, my wife and I (and my 3 sons) lived 700 miles from both of our parents for about 9 or so years when our boys were little. When we got the chance to return to Oklahoma, we jumped at it and have never regretted it. Being around parents and grandparents is one of the greatest blessings that we were given and now that both sets of my grandparents and both of my parents are with the Lord, I cherish every hour I was able to spend with them. They all made unmeasurable impact on my boys also and I am so thankful for that help. I think back to the devotions I read this morning from Psalm 86, verse 11---"Teach me, Lord, what you want me to do, and I will obey you faithfully." I am confident that He will answer your prayers."

Almost immediately after receiving the above, I knew where God was leading but I wanted to make sure it was the right decision. So, I prayed about it for a week and believed it was still the right decision. I cannot trade the happiness that I have, having both my parents, Jim's parents AND Jim's granmother within arms reach. Each is such a wealth of wisdom, strength and source of happiness. My children are so blessed and nothing can replace the time we are able to spend with them.

I am at peace. I thank God for the wonderful people He has placed in my life to provide wise counsel, friendship and prayer!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

2008-05-07T22:52:00.001-05:00

Today I received an unexpected phone call from the man that hired me to work for the Federal Government as a college student. He wanted to know if I was interested in working for him in Savannah as a Branch Chief. And if I was, he wanted to name request me.

I confess...getting that phone call was the last thing on my mind today! Now, I am in conflict. On the one hand, it would be really great to work with him again because I believe he would mentor me and show me the ropes since I have little "on the records" supervisory experience (I do have 17 years of youth ministry experience and 12 years of motherhood but that rarely gets me much in an interview!). The experience I would gain as Branch Chief would be invaluable. I would LOVE to move to Savannah because I like that part of the country. Being closer to Florida is always a plus (hey people it's 4 hours and 25 minutes from Savannah to heaven - aka Disney World)!

On the other hand, having my family AND Jim's family in town can't be beat! My in-laws have been instrumental in growing my children in the Lord. We have worked along side them in ministry for the last fifteen years. Years ago, I tried several times to get back to Florida where my parents were so I finally gave up and got them to move here. To leave them seems unfair!

So...I covet your prayers. I need to make a decision and I'm not sure what to do.

May 1, 2008

2008-04-25T12:29:00.005-05:00

The National Day of Praye r is May 1, 2008. Will you join me in prayer for our Government, Military, Media, Business, Education, Church and Family?

Random Thoughts

2008-04-24T21:07:00.004-05:00

Tapas - Tapas are small appetizers originating in Spain. I first learned of tapas while watching Food Network's Rachel Ray's Tasty Travels. When Jim and I were in St. Louis in November, we went to a tapas restaurant and experienced these tasty treats! While in DC last week, I went to a Spanish tapas restaurant. It was incredibly yummy!

GatewayZone - The youth website is finally up and running! Check it out at www.gatewayzone.org. I am extremely proud of Jim for this design. The youth are very excited to have a spot on the web that they can show their friends. I pray that it will be a useful tool in helping us as we make His Name famous.

My Kids - I am so proud of my kids. I'm quite sure that I don't mention it enough but I just want to share with the world what they are up to these days. Jordan is playing baseball in Burleson. He has played shortstop, second based, right field and has pitched a couple of games. He is also first chair in band - he's learning the saxophone. Caitlin is still dancing and getting really good! Sunday she and her class danced at the St. Francis Springfest. I am continually amazed at her ability. She is also playing volleyball for the first time. It was her idea and I'm so proud of her for wanting to take it up. I was so excited Wednesday because Jaden led the AWANA group in saying the pledge of allegiance. He amazes me everyday. He has learned his alphabet and numbers at pre-school. If you need a good preschool, I highly recommend Crowley United Methodist Preschool. We love Miss Kristi! She is the best! Jaden is also playing baseball in Burleson. He's quite a kid! Calise is incredibly sensitive and very verbal. She talks in paragraphs rather than sentences. She definitely has her mother's gift of gab. Cali is all girl - she loves dresses, playing dress-up and play acting with her friend Taylor. I am the luckiest mom in the world!

Chuck - I just love the TV show, Chuck. I can't wait until the new season starts. More people need to start watching this really witty, funny show!

Purpose Driven - I am nearly finished with the book I've been reading. It has confirmed what I believe needs to happen in our body of believers - we need to discover our purpose in the community of Crowley. I have such a burden for the people of my community. I covet your prayers as we seek His purpose for our church in our community.

Expecting

2008-04-13T19:12:00.003-05:00

I know, I know...you read the title to this post and thought, "WHAAAAT? Is Lisa pregnant again?" I confess...I wouldn't be too upset if I were but NO, I'm not "expecting" a baby. What I am expecting is that God will answer my prayers.

I re-read my last post and it seems that God is speaking and He is speaking LOUD and CLEAR. My prayer life lacks. I have been in a mood this week - a blue funk as I described it to my friend. A "poor, poor pity me" mood. I could name a number of things that are the cause but that's really not the point. The point is prayer, or lack thereof.

The scripture from this morning's sermon came from Psalm 5:1-7. The verse that spoke to me was verse 3, "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."

How often do I wake and hit the ground running without giving any consideration to prayer? Sadly, all too often.

How often do I pray expecting that God will answer my prayer? Sadly, all too infrequently.

God wants to answer my prayers, probably more than I want His answer. I too frequently choose to handle all of life's problems on my own, which leads me to having weeks and weeks of "blue."

God, forgive me. Forgive me for not bringing all things to you in prayer.

Early Morning Prayer

2008-04-11T05:30:00.002-05:00

In Sunday School we've been studing the topic, Vital Truth. In my preparations last week, I read up on a man named Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German professor and theologian that was hung for speaking out against the Hitler and Hitler's involvement in the German church. I found a prayer during my research that was written by Mr. Bonhoeffer while he was in prison in Berlin. I wanted to share with you this morning.

O God, early in the morning I cry to you. Help me to pray and gather my thoughts to you, I cannot do it alone. In me it is dark, but with you there is light; I am lonely, but you do not desert me; My courage fails me, but with you there is help; I am restless, but with you there is peace;in me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience; I do not understand your ways, but you know the way for me. Father in Heaven praise and thanks be to you for the night’s rest, Praise and thanks be to you for the new day. Praise and thanks be to you for all your loving-kindness and faithfulness in my past life.You have shown me so much goodness; let me also accept what is hard to bear from your hand.You will not lay a heavier burden on me than I can carry.You make all things serve for the best for your children. Lord, whatever this day brings, your name be praised.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, [A prayer written in Tegel prison, Berlin]

What is your prayer for today?

I'm in Love!

2008-04-10T00:27:00.003-05:00

Okay...not really in love, love like I love my husband or my kids but I am SUCH a big fan of Jason Castro from American Idol 7. For those who don't like American Idol or just choose not to watch it, take a look at this. You just can't help but feel the same way I do.

Reflections of the Week

2008-03-30T23:59:00.004-05:00

I confess...blogging has been the last thing on my mind this past week. Work has, unfortunately, been the first thing on my mind, which does NOT make for a happy Lunatic but a very, very tired Lunatic. So rather than create bogus posts for the week, I thought I would highlight my week since my last post.

Saturday, March 22 - We spent the evening with friends eating dinner and talking, and talking and talking! It was a great way to spend several hours and recharge from the stuff of the week. God is so good to give friends that, even though we don't see very often, we can pick up where we left off the last time we met and talk like we saw each other the day before. What's even better is that our kids - our four kids and their two girls - got along so well. Ah, the uniting ability of the Wii. ;o) So, D...when are we getting together again? It's our turn so let's do hamburgers on the grill! YUM! Send me a list of dates. April will be filled before we both know it.
Easter Sunday, March 23 - As every Easter, it was a day filled with "events" at church. This year was no less eventful but much more special than in years past. This year, we connected with a couple that we haven't seen since a year ago when the husband and wife were having marital problems. It was so wonderful to see the whole family sitting in church. AND my daughter's best friend and her mom were in church, too. This is a huge answer to prayer. Knowing that I had plenty of food, I invited them over to eat with our family. It was absolutely wonderful, Sherry was completely comfortable with our entire family and it was apparent she enjoyed the fellowship as much as we did.
Monday, March 24 - Work...it became painfully obvious that I was going to need more time than I had during the day to complete a project that I was working on for a meeting with my boss and the Colonel the next day. I probably should have stayed late at work but I I wanted to get home to have dinner with my family. I figured I would finish the project after dinner. Dinner consisted of FasTaco while Jim and I struggled with our oldest to help him with his History project that was also due the next day! I finally started working about 10:30 and only crawled into the bed at 3:50 a.m. because Cali woke up! Needless to say, when the alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. I was just a bit tired.
Tuesday, March 25 - I started at 6:30 a.m. and worked feverishly on the project until 12:00. I stopped to eat and go over my results with my boss. I sent out a prayer request because I needed some strength because I was tired! Thankfully, my meeting went well but as all meetings go, I ended up with MORE taskers!
Wednesday, March 26 - Spent the day recovering from the day before and working from home by participating in several teleconferences. I recognize meetings are a necessary evil but Wednesdays are incredibly UNPRODUCTIVE.
Thursday, March 27 - I had a wonderful lunch with my dearest friend, Sheri. When my week couldn't seem to get any worse, I took the time to get out of the office and was so glad that I did. What a wonderful thing, friendship. When we are at our most vulnerable and weakest, God sends angels of mercy and love to get us through the rest of our week.
Friday, March 28 - BASEBALL! Both boys had games, which despite the crazy cold were so incredibly fun! I love seeing my boys play. This is one of the special times in being a Mom. I can scream my fool head off and no one looks at me like I'm crazy because they are right there with me screaming for their son!
Saturday, March 29 - More BASEBALL! Jaden had a game first thing Saturday morning. Then we all came home and Jim and I cleaned the office with Jordan's assistance. I'm ashamed to admit it, but we managed to shred enough old bills, junk mail, etc. to fill FIVE large kitchen size trash bags and throw away three more bags full of other junk.
Sunday, March 30 - I'll leave today for the next post because it is SO AWESOME and I want to share how we met with God today.

God is incredibly good. Even though this past week was tough, and I know the coming week promises to be just as tough, I know my REDEEMER lives and has loaned us HIS SPIRIT to get us through those darkest, toughest times in our lives.

Mission Arlington

2008-03-22T23:26:00.013-05:00

Thursday Jim, our youth and our Pastor (Jim's dad) went to Mission Arlington. The youth had such a good time, I thought I would post some of the pictures from their trip. God is good. They were able to experience a range of service-related activities: Rainbow Express, which is like a backyard Bible club, choosing and delivering furniture to a family that had no furniture in their apartment, and clearing out a storage room.

If I can talk my son, Jordan, into writing his thoughts I'll ask him to guest blog.

These are the kids that they met at the apartment complex where they did a Rainbow Express.

This little girl took a liking to Jordyn. When it was time to go back, Jordyn didn't want to leave. I can see why.

Here's Dell helping the girls take a couch out of the truck. Notice the other boys - Jake, Tristyn and Jordan just standing by...or is this picture not an accurate representation? Since I was not able to get off work, I'll have to get comments from those that were there!

Wednesday night Jim read Matthew 25:31-46 and gave a short devotional on being Jesus. I confess...I am incredibly proud of our youth! They truly were the hands and feet of Jesus!

Personal Faith

2008-03-17T23:04:00.004-05:00

"To me, Christianity is not religion. It's a personal faith. Religion is the result of man aspiring to reach God. But Christianity is God reaching down to man. So you have two opposites." Gladys Staines, missionary to India whose husband and two boys were murdered by a Hindu extremist group as quoted by Charisma + Christian Life magazine.

I am not a religious person. I am a person of faith. But after reading Gladys Staines' story, I realize that my faith is weak. I'm not sure I could have responded as she did (after her husband and sons were murdered she went back to serve in the same leper colony in which she and her husband had ministered).

What a testimony to those she and her husband served when she returned to them to continue his work. What a testimony to the family of the men who killed her sons and husband! She forgave them.

I doubt that many have suffered as much for the cause of Christ. I'm quite certain I haven't.

Nearsighted and Blind

2008-03-14T12:30:00.006-05:00

While at lunch today, I read today's Verse of the Day from Bible Gateway. It is found in 2 Peter 1:5-8. I am adding verse 9 because it is what God used as the spriitual 2 X 4 that I've blogged about before.

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. "

If we don't move forward in our walk with the Lord, we are likely to forget the cleansing we've received from Him in the past....we become nearsighted and blind.

Just makes me think....how nearsighted have I become? My post from last Friday comes to mind. The situations at work that drag me down shouldn't drag me down if I am adding to my faith daily.

Brotherly kindness? Ouch, that one hurt.

What about when Paul says, "if you possess these...they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive." That hurts, too.

God, I confess my failure to add to my faith. I confess my inability to allow you to reign supreme in my life. Take it all, it is yours.

P.S. Thanks for the 2 X 4.

Heart of Stone

2008-03-12T23:37:00.002-05:00

I sat in the auditorium listening intently to the speaker but was completely distracted by the four young ladies in front of me. I was getting rather irritated that they refused to be respectful and sit still and listen. No more than 30 seconds to a minute would go by in between whispers to each other and giggling and poking of one another. I really wanted to say something to them but instead I sat on the edge of my seat, which I believe made them really uncomfortable because for a good 10 minutes they were quiet.

As the band came back up, the speaker gave a call for the students to receive Christ. He asked the band to play "Jesus Paid it All." As others around stood to sing, I just sat. I felt I needed to pray but just couldn't find the words. I sat there listening to those around me sing, "And now indeed I find, Thy power and Thine alone can change the leper's spots and melt the heart of stone."

I confess...at that moment I felt as if I did have a heart of stone. I was so frustrated with the girls in front of me that I had failed to allow Christ to rule and I almost missed the blessing God has for me. Fortunately, God is bigger than I am and He did indeed,, "melt my heart of stone."

I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness....watch and pray
Find in me....thine all in all

Chorus:
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin hath left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim
I'll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calvary's Lamb

And when before thy throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeat

Sheer Exhaustion

2008-03-11T22:52:00.002-05:00

This weekend was good...Saturday and Monday (compressed day off - yeah!) were filled with getting our house in order for the rest of the week. It felt WONDERFUL to clean the fridge in the garage. Those experiments I was conducting with moldy food and such had gotten a little out of control (HA, HA - those that know me know that's my way of saying cleaning out the fridge comes low on the priority list and to excuse the grossness of the state of it). Of course there was also laundry beyond compare...the mountain was conquered however and that's quite an accomplishment!

Sunday was a great day. We continued our study of Romans by participating in a mock trial. I thoroughly enjoyed it and think my students did too. Sunday night we had our annual talent show and a fund raiser for the youth. Perhaps if I weren't so tired, I would write about it.

But as I sit here falling asleep, I am completely, utterly exhausted. After the weekend and a full day of work and activities today I believe I will sleep good tonight! I can't wait.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace!

Divine Abundance

2008-03-07T18:25:00.004-06:00

While reading yesterday's Daily Encouragement I came across a quote that I'd like to share here. The quote comes from Warren Wiersbe, a pastor and theologian. He says, "The peace of God is not the absence of problems; it is the presence of divine sufficiency in the midst of problems."

This struck a chord with me because I would categorize today as a day that I am struggling with personal demons and I am miserable as I attempt to excise them on my own. The Daily Encouragement points us to the scripture in Isaiah 26:3. As I pulled up BibleGateway and read the whole chapter, I wondered how other translations or paraphrases read (I usually read NIV).

Verses 3 and 4 of this chapter read like this in "The Message,"
"People with their minds set on you,
you keep completely whole,
Steady on their feet,
because they keep at it and don't quit.
Depend on God and keep at it
because in the Lord God you have a sure thing."

Here's what the New Iternational Reader's Version says,
"Lord, you will give perfect peace
to anyone who commits himself to be faithful to you.
That's because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever.
The Lord is the Rock.
The Lord will keep us safe forever."

I agree with The Daily Encouragement in that when we take our eyes off the One who promises to give us peace we are overwhelmed. I like the illustration given that peace and dismay cannot coexist just like we cannot expect to take sandpaper and rub across expensive furniture and expect something beautiful.

But I have to disagree with Dr. Wiersbe. The scriptures do not say anything about divine sufficiency but rather, divine ABUNDANCE. The scripture in Isaiah is clear in whatever translation you choose to read - God will give you perfect peace. In my mind that speaks to complete peace not "just enough peace to get us through" as Dr. Wiersbe suggests. Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10b)

Thank you, Lord for Your divine abundance!

Healthy Eating...Again

2008-03-04T23:56:00.004-06:00

I saw a nutritionist on Friday who gave me a plan for healthy eating that I can use for myself and the rest of my family. While I feel good about this eating plan, I confess...I'm a little confused because some of what she talked about is completely different from many, many other "diets."

I completely agree with her assessment of our current diet - bad. The more processed foods we eat, the unhealthier we are. My diet was bordering on the obscene! My Diet Coke habit was out of control and I could count on one hand the number of times I'd cooked in a two week period.

So, once again I am committing to a healthier eating lifestyle. For me. For my husband. For my kids. For my witness.

I'll post on Resolute Health the eating plan recommended by nutritionist.

Psalms 8:3-5

2008-03-01T20:20:00.004-06:00

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.

Can You Hear Me Now?

2008-02-27T17:00:00.003-06:00

Verizon has made an impression on the world with their commercials with the guy saying "Can you hear me now?"

I was thinking of my prayer life today and that phrase came to mind. Strange isn't it? I have this mental image of me going to place after place asking God, "Can you hear me now?"

But I wonder...how often does God have the same response with us?

He reveals Himself through Scripture. He reveals Himself in nature. He reveals Himself through friends and family. He reveals Himself in the messages and Bible studies in which we participate.

Why then is it so hard to hear from Him?

"Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." 1 Samuel 3:9b

Assurance

2008-02-22T00:21:00.006-06:00

I confess...I had an awesome experience in Sunday School and I just have to share it. I was supposed to start a study of Romans but my class was low due to sickness so I changed things up on the fly, which is kind of dangerous because I don't ever know if it will fly or flop. Fortunately God reigns and it turned out to be an incredible time that we later ended up sharing in the worship service.

I've started reading a book during my quiet times called, "The Valley of Vision - A collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions (found this from a fellow blogger). So, since I needed something quick, I decided to choose one of the prayers, have one of my students read it and then we would re-write the prayer in our own words. It turned out that the two boys (one 7th grade, one 10th grade) really got into it and blew me away with their summaries. I thought I would share first the original prayer and then the prayer as we re-wrote it. This a long post but I think it is worth it! I hope that you are blessed as much by it as I was.

One thing I should share is the author's perspective on these prayers. He writes, " This book has not been prepared to 'supply' prayers but to prompt and encourage the Christian as he treads the path on which others have gone before." With that, I bring you the prayer of Assurance, which can be found on page 51.

"Almighty God,
I am loved with everlasting love,
clothed in eternal righteousness,
my peace flowing like a riverl
my comforts many and large,
my joy and triumph unutterable,
my soul lively with a knowledge of salvation,
my sense of justification unclouded.
I have scare anything to pray for;
Jesus smiles upon my soul as a ray of heaven
and my supplications are swallowed up in praise.
How sweet is the glorious doctrine of election when based upon thy Word
and wrought inwardly within the soul!
I bless the that thou wilt keep the sinner though hast loved,
and hast engaged that he will not forsake thee
else I would never get to heaven.

I wrong the work of grace in my heart
if I deny my new nature and my eternal life.
If Jesus were not my righteousness and redemption
I would sing in to nether most hell
by my misdoings shortcomings unbelief, unlove;
If Jesus were not by the power of his Spirit my sanctification,
htere is not sin I should not commit.
O when shall I have his mind!
when shall I be conformed to his image?
All the good things of life are less than nothing
when compared with his love,
and with one glimpse of thy electing favour.

All the treasures of a million worlds could not make me richer,
happier more contented,
for his unsearchable riches are mine.
One moment of communion with him, one view of his grace,
is ineffable, inestimable.
BUt O God I could not long after thy presence
if I did not know the sweetness of it;
And such I could not know except by thy Spirit in my heart,
nor love thee at all unless thou didst
elect me, call me, save me, adopt me.
I bless thee for the covenant of grace.'

Now...Assurance - In Modern Language

[Jordan writes]
Almighty God,
I am loved with never-ending love,
Clothed in everlasting righteousness
My peace and comfort flowing like a river wide,
My joy and triumph are unspeakable, my soul and
Knowledge of my loving Savior, my justification cleared.
I truly have very little to pray for;
Jesus is my rock and my salvation.
All my prayers are answered by His will and His will alone.
All my problems swallowed and burned.
How sweet it His love for me, when based upon
His word and taken in as fast as a raging river flows.
I love you Lord Jesus.
You have protected me for all my days for
You are great.

[Dell writes]
I sin against the grace in my heart if
I forsake my new nature and my eternal life.
If Jesus was not my righteousness and redemption,
I would sink to the deepest hell.
If it were not for Jesus and His sanctification
There is no sin I should not commit.
O when will I have His mind!
When will I be one with Him?
All the good things in life are but a grain of sand
Compared to His love and with one glimpse of
Your loving favor.

[I write]
Everything this world has to give me couldn’t make me
rich, happy, more content because God’s vast riches are mine.
One moment in His presence, one look at His grace,
doesn’t compare to the world.
But God, I couldn’t long for You if I didn’t know what to expect.
I wouldn’t know except that You have gave me
Your Spirit and I couldn’t love you if
You hadn’t chose,, called, adopted, and saved me.
Thank You! I praise You for this Grace.

AMEN!

SOS

2008-02-19T23:47:00.004-06:00

I confess...the past couple of days have been very emotional and I'm not sure why. So this morning in the midst of lots of tears, I sent an SOS out to my closest gal-pals asking for their prayers. Within minutes, I had two emails from friends committing to pray.

Within an hour, there were two other emails. One included a scripture that was just what I needed to read and it gave me comfort throughout the day. The scripture is Joshua 1:9 which says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

A couple of hours later there was a phone call asking me to go to the gym since some of the best therapy can be getting on the treadmill and running out the frustrations. By the end of the day there was a fifth email with an offer for some "retail" therapy or just some "girl time."

It is indescribable knowing that God has placed women in my life that I know I can count on for prayer support. Andrea gave me a book for Valentine's Day that describes this group a "broad squad." I don't know that I would necessarily call these ladies "broads" but they are in every sense of the word friends in whom I can trust.

As I grow (and yes, age), I have come to realize that God gives us these women friendships to lend the support during our most emotional times, times when our husbands look at us in bewilderment and total helplessness!

So, thank you my dear friends. Your support today was immeasurable. I am blessed to have you as my friends.

As Christ Loved Us

2008-02-15T21:52:00.004-06:00

I confess...I'm not big on Valentines Day. While I am a hopeless romantic, I do not like holidays that guilt spouses into action. I would rather the thoughtfulness of my husband come out of no where just because he loves me. I would rather surprise my husband with something special because I was thinking of him and couldn't wait until I got to be with him.

It's interesting that some of the youth in our church have similar dislike for the holiday. Jake called it "Singles Awareness Day." To counter this attitude, Jim talked Wednesday about the history of Valentines Day. If you don't know how Valentines Day first came about, check out this site.

Then Jim talked about changing our attitude towards Valentines Day. Instead of thinking of it as a day to think about what we can get and what we have to give our loved ones, think of it as a day for showing love to others out of respect and love for Jesus, who showed His ultimate love for us by willingly becoming the sacrifice required to purchase us.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Blogs of Note

2008-02-13T12:30:00.006-06:00

If you're new to this whole blogging thing as I am, there is an honor that is bestowed upon bloggers who have blogs that are considered noteworthy. I'm not sure how the process works but today at lunch I was checking out the blogs that were listed and I was surprised at a couple.

The first is called, It's My Mission. From what I gather from briefly looking at their website and blog, the blog is associated with Buckner Missions in Dallas, TX and Buckner International. The blog tells of the recent trips of musicians Geoff Moore and Susan Gray to a Honduras orphanage. This is indeed a Blog of Note.

The second is called, Can of Worms. I clicked around this blog and immediately understood why it is a Blog of Note. The author, Cody Fisher is a 23 year old that has moved from the US to Iraq to work for an organization he and a friend created called, Buy Shoes, Save Lives. I was particularly interested in his post on Baseball and Kisses because of its connection to the US Army, which I proundly serve as a Federal Civilian Employee. Cody has committed to telling the story of Iraq children with heart problems through photography.

Both of these blogs are unashamedly promoting a purpose rather than the generic musings of many blogs; however, they are honest, humble and just down right good reading. Check them out!

Zephaniah 3:17

2008-02-11T15:43:00.001-06:00

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.

I found this scripture and a related sermon on a blog I came across while reading Average Girl's blog. Rather than re-post what was written, I encourage you to go here.

There really isn't more I can say on the subject, except...amen.

Joy's Celebration

2008-02-09T21:28:00.000-06:00

Today we celebrated the life of our dear friend, Joy Marie Bales. Jim and I had the pleasure of singing singing at her funeral. I managed to hold it together before the service while Jim and I were warming up. I felt confident as we entered the chapel. But as soon as Jim's dad began to read the scripture that he had chosen, I lost it. Fortunately there was a 15 or so minute video that they played of pictures of Joy that had been put to music that provided me the time that I needed.

The first song we sang was "Great is Thy Faithfulness." We chose it because it was one of the songs we sang at Joy's husband's funeral. Whenever we had a hymn sing at the church, Joy would choose that one so I could only believe it was her favorite, too.

The second song we sang was "I Will Serve Thee." I love this song because the words really express Joy's life here on earth. Joy was a true servant and we will miss her greatly.

The youth in my Sunday School class have been praying consistently for Joy since October. We have an ongoing prayer list hung in our room. God answered our prayers...it just wasn't the answer that we wanted.

Thank you Father for the life of Joy Marie Bales. What a wonderful testimony her life was and will be in the lives of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren!

Prayer Warriors

2008-02-04T23:21:00.000-06:00

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16b

"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer..." 1 Peter 3:12a

I confess...my faith has been tested this past week. My mother endured three surgeries in the span of a week, there was personal turmoil going on in the lives of my dearest friend and her children, and a dear friend is living out her final days on earth.

God has granted me strength, wisdom and peace through it all and I have no doubt that it is because I had prayer warriors praying me through. If not for the prayers of many faithful friends, I would surely have not made it through the week.

Thank you, Father, for these warriors and their prayers!

Baseball Days are Here Again!

2008-02-02T23:50:00.000-06:00

I am so excited! The boys had try-outs today in Burleson. There is nothing I love more about having boys than watching them play baseball. I love everything about it...the uniforms, the kids running in the wrong direction, keeping score...all of it.

We've heard from both of the boys' coaches. Jaden will be on the Mets and Jordan will be on the Rangers. Jaden's coach called and wanted to talk to Jaden! It was the cutest thing. I'm just praying that now that Jaden is a year older and more mature he will be better than our first experience with him and baseball!

Jordan is in Bronco this year, which is 11 and 12 year olds. For the first time I believe, he'll be the older age in his league since every other year we have played him with kids his own grade and not age. It's wonderful to see Jordan excited about starting back up; I think taking the fall off was a good decision.

But above all, what I love about baseball is seeing God at work in my boys. Jordan, who used to be incredibly shy, is becoming a very confident young man. Baseball has taught him to control his nerves and put his best foot (or swing) forward. Even though he may strike out at bat, he keeps calm and in control of his emotions while on the field and in the dug-out. In fact, I saw evidence of his training in his solo saxophone competition. The boy sitting first chair was visibly nervous and stopped several times during his solo. All the other boys were nervous but Jordan was cool and collected throughout his entire solo.

Jaden, who has never been very shy but determined to get his own way, is learning the value of working as a team. I can't wait to see what he will learn this season.

See you at the ballbark!

God's Timing

2008-02-01T23:18:00.000-06:00

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

God's timing is perfect. I have been tempted this week to rush out and take action about a particular situation before being given the "go-ahead" by God. I was even angry that resolution to the situation wasn't coming fast enough. My husband gently reminded me that we need to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading and he wasn't being led to move out yet.

Today as I was driving to the hospital, I listed to a CD that a friend had loaned me. I came to a certain song and I began to weep because the song was confirmation that Jim was right. I was trying to push him towards doing something that wasn't in God's timing.

The song is called, "Prayer for a Friend." My listening to this song could not have been any more timely. So, this is my prayer for my friend, M.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.
In complicated circumstances
with clouded view.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.

I fear that I won’t have the words
that he needs to hear.
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God.
And a heart that's sincere.
And Lord I lift my friend up
to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
Though he's my best friend in the
world, I know he means much
more to You.
I want so much to help him, but
this is something he has to do.
Lord I lift my friend up to You.

There's a way that seems so right to him.
But You know where that leads.
He's becoming a puppet of the world.
Too blind to see the strain.
And Lord I lift my friend up to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.

Storms of Life

2008-02-01T00:14:00.001-06:00

The lesson that I taught in Sunday School this past Sunday was on the same topic as the title of this post. Never in a million years did I think that this week I would experience some difficult storms myself.

My mother had surgery to drain fluid from her brain on Monday and surgery to put in a permanent shunt Wednesday. Unfortunately, she will have an additional surgery Friday morning because the doctor wasn't happy with the placement of the shunt. What concerns me the most is that she has not really been up out of the bed but once yesterday and once today.

This couldn't be a worse week for me to be out of the office, especially since I'll be traveling next week.

To top it off, my dearest friend is experiencing a number of difficulties herself. I am so glad that I can be there for her. I hurt because she hurts. Jim and I have peace knowing that we're not alone in this matter, but is hard to convey it to my friend.

And so, as I struggle to stay awake to finish this post, I covet your prayers.

God's Blessings on you!

My Surrender Part 2

2008-01-26T22:45:00.001-06:00

I started this post and never finished. It's been two weeks since I posted the song My Surrender. I've listened to it daily and more than once because it has even more meaning than when I first heard it. Although as I sit here trying to put in words exactly what it means, I am left speechless.

Everything I have came from God. It is a natural response that I give it back to Him. Yet, why is it that surrender of my will is a painful event?

I totally identify with the words, "Does it all sound the same? Are my words getting through?" So many times I have prayed, it seems, the same prayer of repentance but I don't feel that the words go any further than the ceiling. Maybe that's why the song means so much...it is an acknowledgment of what God has done and my response to Him.

God, I surrender. I'm giving it all back to you, again.

My Surrender

2008-01-24T23:19:00.001-06:00

Today was difficult at work. I ended up staying at my desk for the entire day only leaving briefly to warm up my lunch and take a necessity break. What propelled me through my day was listening to my iPod. I needed the distraction from the phone, people around me, etc. I listened to the coolest song for the first time. Since I'm bushed, I'll just share the song (which is the title of this post) and head to sleep! Tomorrow I'll share my thoughts on how the song really touched me.

My Surrender
Steven Curtis Chapman

Does it all sound the same?
Are my words getting through?
I’ve been trying so hard
and I’m about to break
So here I am with all I have

And I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all

And what song can I sing
but the song that You give
I have nothing to bring
that did not come from Your hand
So here I am with all I have

And I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender

All my plans and all my dreams
I’m giving it all to You
I lay it all down at Your feet
I’m Yours

So what song can I sing but this song?

I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
I’m giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all
Take it all
Lord, take it all
Take it all