The Confessing Lunatic

I ran across the following poem while perusing through the list of blogs I read (that I haven't done much of since I've been working my Master's degree). It's called "The Speaker" by Louis Jenkins. I want to share it with you since it hit me like a brick... The Speaker by Louis Jenkins "The speaker points out that we don't really have much of a grasp of things, not only the big things, the important questions, but the small everyday things. "How many steps up to your front door? What kind of tree grows in your backyard? What is the name of your district representative?What is your wife's shoe size? Can you tell me the color of your sweetheart's eyes? Do you remember where you parked the car?" The evidence is overwhelming. Most of us never truly experience life. "We drift through life in a daydream, missing the true richness and joy that life has to offer." When the speaker has finished we gather around to sing a few inspira...

What is silence? Dictionary.com defines silence as "the absence of any sound or noise; stillness; the state or fact of being silent; muteness." This week we've been studying Psalm 46:10 where the psalmist says, "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." Too often we are unable to be silent... In fact, Donald Whitney, author and teacher, puts it this way, "Many of us need to realize the addiction we have to noise. It's one thing to turn on the TV, tape, or radio to listen to while ironing or doing other chores, but it's another thing habitually to turn one of these on immediately upon entering a room just to have sound. Even worse is to feel that it's necessary to have background noise during Bible intake or prayer. I believe the convenience of sound has contributed to the spiritual shallowness of contemporary western Christianity. The advent of affordable, portable sound systems, for ...

I recently read a Facebook post from one of Jim's younger cousins that shows a Godly wisdom beyond the earthly age of many. She was describing how God is teaching her that her view on service is not as God intended (my take on what she said) and that Jesus Christ should be the object of her heart -- not service. Part of her post included a quote that I was almost certain that I had read before so being the curious one, I Googled the quote and discovered that C.A. Coates had written an article entitled, " Occupation with the Object " is where the quote came from. I am struck in particular by the thought that we become restless and discouraged when our service isn't doing any good. Consider what Coates says, " Very often young believers who have not even peace with God are encouraged to take up service, and they become so occupied with what they are doing that they are not at leisure to learn or to take their place in the favor of their Father. Hence, so long as th...

"I want the presence of God Himself, or I don't want anything at all to do with religion...I want all that God has or I don't want any." AW Tozer, The Counselor, 40.

I have been rather discouraged lately. Work has been incredibly difficult, my school work is suffering and I'm quite certain my kids don't know my name. They see the back of me as I walk out the door in the morning, the side of me as I sit at my computer to do school work, and the top of my head as they peek in on Saturday mornings as I sleep. Yesterday I had had enough...I came home and just sat on the bed and cried. Jim consoled me the best he could, he just sat and listened. So today I check my email while I'm listening to my Professor talk about the changes in the DOD 5000 series of instruction which covers the topics I'm learning in his class. I scanned through the email to find a message from my Uncle Larry entitled Encourage. I waited until after class to read his message out of respect, mind you. However, his message is just what I needed to read at the moment that I'm struggling to get from point A to point B with my sanity intact. At the bottom of ...

If you desire intimate union with God you must be willing to pay the price for it. The price is small enough. In fact, it is not even a price at all: it only seems to be so with us. We find it difficult to give up our desire for things that can never satisfy us in order to purchase the One Good in Whom is all our joy - and in Whom, moreover, we get back everything else that we have renounced besides! The fact remains that contemplation will not be given to those who willfully remain at a distance from God, who confine their interior life to a few routine exercises of piety and a few external acts of worship and service performed as a matter of duty. Such people are careful to avoid sin. They respect God as a Master. But their heart does not belong to Him. - Thomas Merton – I am in a rare moment of silence. The time of prayerlessness has ended...or has it? This quote has stung me. Like a bee. What’s interesting about this quote is that this topic it is exactly what I was listeni...

"Let us not...delude ourselves with easy and infantile conceptions of holiness...Mere external respectability, without deper or more positive moral values, brings discredit upon the Christian faith." Thomas Merton We are called to live a life of holiness in 1 Peter 1:15, " But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do ." Some might think that holiness refers only to how I act or speak outwardly but as Mr. Merton clearly points out, mere "respectability" brings about discredit to the Christian faith. How many times have I refrained from saying something unkind or hurtful, or refrained from making a gesture or thought twice about acting out of frustration PURELY because I was in the company of someone who might think badly of my behavior (I'm opening Christian, mind you)? How may times have I "let it all out" when in the company of those who know me best because I don't have to put on a front? Shame on me! My standar...

I googled "live in God" for the Live in God, Not in Fear post and came across this. I just had to share. It is excerpted from The Keys to Spiritual Growth by John MacArthur, ©2001, published by Crossway Books. “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.” The Westminster Shorter Catechism How does a person glorify God? No question is more practical or more significant. The supreme purpose in life for any man or woman—for anyone who has ever been born into this world—is to glorify God. That is what living is all about. Glorifying God is the end result of the Christian life. Spiritual maturity is simply concentrating and focusing on the person of God until we are caught up in His majesty and His glory. I would like to suggest some practical ways for the Christian to glorify God: • Confess Your Sins . Confession of sin glorifies God because if you excuse your sin, you absolve yourself of responsibility and blame God for letting you get into a mess. Adam i...

"Each believer adds to or subtracts from a congregation's capacity to experience genuine Christian community." Agree? Disagree?

Physician George Adams found encouragement to be so vital to a person’s existence that he called it “oxygen to the soul.” Developing the Leaders Around You, p 187 by John Maxwell I’ve recently been promoted to a supervisory position. It’s not a job that was advertised or for which I interviewed, which IS rather surprising I know since I've interviewed for SO many in the last year, unsuccessfully I might add . And now I am, just like that. One day I wasn’t a supervisor and the next day I was. I thought I would be completely happy but it was kind of anti-climatic but that really is a post for another day. I have a lot of management experience (as the mother of four children) and some Team Leader experience (for a multi-District team that I see only every other month for a couple of days) but little practical experience with the team that I'm now supposed to supervise. So when Jim and I were enjoying our most recent trip to Sam's Club without the children, I search...

I confess...I'm a diet junkie. I've never really had lasting success with any diet program that I've started. Either I get bored or I think it's too hard or "it's just not the right diet for me." If you knew my BMI or my weight and compared it to the "normal' weights and BMI for women my height and age, you would find that I am considered obese - hence my search for the "perfect diet." Well, in my search, I came across a diet from a guy named Jay Robb. I was intrigued by his diets (he actually has three) because he claims God brought him back from high blood pressure, diabetes and a host of other illnesses. I tried his "Three Day Fruit Flush" and was moderately successful with a 6 pound weight loss. I am now embarking on "The Fat Burning Diet," which sounds like something I could really use. After reading his book and trying out a couple of recipes, I think this may be "the one." So, I'll start to...

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” C.S. Lewis

Today has not been what I would call a "happy day" at the Billman home. Jim is in Minnesota. I'm home after a week working in DC/enjoying Jim and Caitlin's company on this trip. For whatever reason, the children seemed to be bent on being as argumentative, unruly and overly rude today to me and each other as they possibly can. I called Jim twice to whine about their behavior but felt completely guilty doing so. Often I'm the one out of town and Jim is left to cope with them alone. (Let me just say as an aside, I am completely thankful for my husband. He is incredible.) All I asked today was that the two older kids get their homework done and the little children stay out of their way. If that was accomplished we'd go to a movie. It lasted for all of a minute. After an hour or so of fighting, not working, and me trying like mad to keep my voice down, I decided it was time for plan B - getting out of the house even though the work wasn't done. I aske...

In Sunday School we've been studing the topic, Vital Truth . In my preparations last week, I read up on a man named Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German professor and theologian that was hung for speaking out against the Hitler and Hitler's involvement in the German church. I found a prayer during my research that was written by Mr. Bonhoeffer while he was in prison in Berlin. I wanted to share with you this morning. O God, early in the morning I cry to you. Help me to pray and gather my thoughts to you, I cannot do it alone. In me it is dark, but with you there is light; I am lonely, but you do not desert me; My courage fails me, but with you there is help; I am restless, but with you there is peace;in me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience; I do not understand your ways, but you know the way for me. Father in Heaven praise and thanks be to you for the night’s rest, Praise and thanks be to you for the new day. Praise and thanks be to you for all your loving-kindness a...

"To me, Christianity is not religion. It's a personal faith. Religion is the result of man aspiring to reach God. But Christianity is God reaching down to man. So you have two opposites." Gladys Staines, missionary to India whose husband and two boys were murdered by a Hindu extremist group as quoted by Charisma + Christian Life magazine. I am not a religious person. I am a person of faith. But after reading Gladys Staines' story, I realize that my faith is weak. I'm not sure I could have responded as she did (after her husband and sons were murdered she went back to serve in the same leper colony in which she and her husband had ministered). What a testimony to those she and her husband served when she returned to them to continue his work. What a testimony to the family of the men who killed her sons and husband! She forgave them. I doubt that many have suffered as much for the cause of Christ. I'm quite certain I haven't.

While reading yesterday's Daily Encouragement I came across a quote that I'd like to share here. The quote comes from Warren Wiersbe, a pastor and theologian. He says, " The peace of God is not the absence of problems; it is the presence of divine sufficiency in the midst of problems." This struck a chord with me because I would categorize today as a day that I am struggling with personal demons and I am miserable as I attempt to excise them on my own. The Daily Encouragement points us to the scripture in Isaiah 26:3. As I pulled up BibleGateway and read the whole chapter, I wondered how other translations or paraphrases read (I usually read NIV). Verses 3 and 4 of this chapter read like this in "The Message," "People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, Steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don't quit. Depend on God and keep at it because in the Lord God you have a sure thing." Here's what the New Iternatio...

Daily Prayer: Father, as You created order in the universe You also created order and harmony in my life. Sometimes it seems as though chaos triumphs over order, but then I take some quiet time with You in Your Word and find that You still my heart and calm my troubled spirit. You do uphold me by Your powerful promises revealed in Your Word and through the presence of Your Holy Spirit that dwells within. Thank You for Your great faithfulness that I witness and experience each new day! Amen. My best friend sent me this prayer today. It's taken from the Daily Encouragement website. She must have a sixth sense about me because the prayer was the only thing in the email. At the point that I received it, it was just what I needed. I confess...I needed to be reminded of the order and harmony God has brought to my life through Christ Jesus. The chaos that I am experiencing in my personal and professional life are temporary. It is wonderful how God reveals Himself through scripture. It is...

The inflatable Christian is full of air. Not much content. Not much on the inside. Not much real conviction and very little substance. No depth. On the surface, they look good. Bright. Cheerful. Exciting. Colorful. However, they are filled by what is light and air. The inflatable Christian is only about the show. Just look at and admire them. Praise them for what appears to be really nice, but don't look on the inside. Appreciate them from a distance, but don't get too close or you may be surprised, disappointed, or discouraged." Tom Norvell in " The Inflatable Christmas ." I confess...when I first read this article I immediately began to think of people that I have known that fit this profile. But then I was reminded of the scripture in Matthew that addresses this very thing. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pa...

Have you ever had a day where you've been restless? Today is my day for being restless. Yesterday I felt though my work has been difficult I could take on the world and would be able to do so without missing a beat. Today was a different story. For the first time in my career I actually have vacation time that I must take or will lose. I need to be in the office to manage this issue but yet the office is the LAST place I wanted to be today or the rest of this week. I know that I have a week and a half coming where I won't have to answer an email, think about work, or even talk work if I don't want to and I'm just restless. I had difficulty concentrating at work; the day has labored on with my inability to shake a headache despite taking medication; I'm overwhelmed knowing that the entire program I'm working on is unraveling and to top it off....I'm struggling with several things in my personal life. It's interesting though...I was stumbling and came ...

The last couple of days at work have been very trying. For the past year and a half I have been working on a major program that has impact to the Army's construction program. Now, due to issues beyond my control this whole program has been derailed. With this in mind, let me share a quote that I saw in my building. It said, " Life is not about holding good cards but playing the cards you hold well " (Josh Billings). As much as I have tried to make this program go well, I cannot control everything that happens. I can, however, continue to do my best despite the circumstances. So, bring it on. I'm ready.