The Confessing Lunatic

I started this post and never finished. It's been two weeks since I posted the song My Surrender. I've listened to it daily and more than once because it has even more meaning than when I first heard it. Although as I sit here trying to put in words exactly what it means, I am left speechless. Everything I have came from God. It is a natural response that I give it back to Him. Yet, why is it that surrender of my will is a painful event? I totally identify with the words, "Does it all sound the same? Are my words getting through?" So many times I have prayed, it seems, the same prayer of repentance but I don't feel that the words go any further than the ceiling. Maybe that's why the song means so much...it is an acknowledgment of what God has done and my response to Him. God, I surrender. I'm giving it all back to you, again.

Today was difficult at work. I ended up staying at my desk for the entire day only leaving briefly to warm up my lunch and take a necessity break. What propelled me through my day was listening to my iPod. I needed the distraction from the phone, people around me, etc. I listened to the coolest song for the first time. Since I'm bushed, I'll just share the song (which is the title of this post) and head to sleep! Tomorrow I'll share my thoughts on how the song really touched me. My Surrender Steven Curtis Chapman Does it all sound the same? Are my words getting through? I’ve been trying so hard and I’m about to break So here I am with all I have And I’m giving it all back to You All back to You I surrender Yeah, I’m giving it all back to You All back to You This is my surrender Take it all And what song can I sing but the song that You give I have nothing to bring that did not come from Your hand So here I am with all I have And I’m giving it all back to You All back ...

Our lesson tonight used Matthew 6 as the scripture basis. In this passage, Jesus talks about three things - 1) Acts of Righteousness 2) Prayer and 3) Fasting. Jim read the scripture then he divided the youth in two groups, the chuns (Christians) and the hypos (Hypocrites). He asked them to act out these three things using the points of view of their assigned group. It was interesting to see the youth act out in their role, but what was more interesting was the conversation that ensued afterwards. The statement that really caught me was when someone said something to the effect that the church is always going to be filled with imperfect people. In my head I was thinking, "Thank God!" Jesus came for the sick, sinner, forlorn, in short the imperfect person. Thank God that I don't have to live up to perfection...Jesus took care of that. I found this ... I thought it was appropriate. Moses stuttered. David's armour didn't fit. Hosea's wife was a prostitute....

I've started a new blog called " Resolute Health " where I intend to track the progress of my health resolution for ths year. If successful and helpful, I'll keep it up. One of these days when I have more time, I will explain why I chose the name. But for now, I invite you to join me on my health journey. I intend to use a combination of Weight Watchers points and exercise, with any other common sense tips I can find. I invite anyone who is like-minded and would like to participate to be a part of this journey. If you wish to post your journey, comment on this post and I'll add your profile. Some of my favorite good health webites: Hungry Girl - Number ONE on my list! Weight Watchers Calorie King 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Diet Detective Honestly, this list could be as long as this blog has room for. There are so many great resources out there. The point is that you have to choose one and stick to it. Join me in my health journey !

Today in worship we sang the coolest song! Jim taught it to us this summer when he came back from Super Summer but the impact of the words didn't stick with me until this morning. Seems like songs are a topic that is hitting close to home these days so I'll share this one too. Always Forever by Phil Wickam You are the hand that catches my fall , You are the friend that answers my call. You are my day, You are my night. You are my love and all of my life. Chorus: You are the love I need. You are the air I breathe. You are my love my life always forever. I would lay down my life just to be by Your side. You are my love, my life, always forever. You are the grace that covers my sin. You’re everything the beginning and end. You have my soul, my heart and my mind. You have my love and all of my life. I've sat here for more than a half hour trying to figure out what more I could say but I am speechless. The words of this song are too profound. Amen.

Today as I was sitting with Jim preparing the worship songs for tomorrow, I came across a song that I wrote several years ago. I never published it because I, quite honestly, don't know how to. I have a melody and put the chords down but didn't try hard enough to put in on staff paper (kind of sad for a girl with a college degree in music). At any rate, I went to the piano to play it and the melody came back to me like it was yesterday when I wrote the song. I would like to share it with you. I wrote it during a time when I was at unrest and in a desert-like period in my relationship with the Lord. Your Sanctuary In Your sanctuary, I find rest in You. In Your sanctuary, I find peace. It's not a peace that the world understands; It's the peace that comes from You. Even though I'm in the desert Lord, Still I'm seeking You. In Your sanctuary, hidden 'neath Your wing, In Your sanctuary, I find the joy you bring. It's a joy that fills my heart with hope; ...

Yeah! 50 posts, I can't believe it. Fun, fun, fun! I just wanted to say what fun I have had posting to this blog. I am quite a talker and when I don't get to talk, this blog is a means to "let it out!" I f I have any regular readers, let me just say thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. I pray that the experiences that I write about speak to you in some small way. To those bloggers whose blogs I read, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. Your insight in each blog, more often than not, speaks to situations I am dealing with at that very moment in time. I love how God is using this 21st century tool to provide enrichment to my life. Soli Deo Gloria! For the Glory of God Alone!

Daily Prayer: Father, as You created order in the universe You also created order and harmony in my life. Sometimes it seems as though chaos triumphs over order, but then I take some quiet time with You in Your Word and find that You still my heart and calm my troubled spirit. You do uphold me by Your powerful promises revealed in Your Word and through the presence of Your Holy Spirit that dwells within. Thank You for Your great faithfulness that I witness and experience each new day! Amen. My best friend sent me this prayer today. It's taken from the Daily Encouragement website. She must have a sixth sense about me because the prayer was the only thing in the email. At the point that I received it, it was just what I needed. I confess...I needed to be reminded of the order and harmony God has brought to my life through Christ Jesus. The chaos that I am experiencing in my personal and professional life are temporary. It is wonderful how God reveals Himself through scripture. It is...

I confess...my job has been incredibly frustrating these past two weeks. This amount and level of frustration that I have experienced since coming back to work after my Christmas holiday has, I dare say, been the highest in my career. It is certainly not how I wanted to start off my year. To add to the frustration has been my allergies! I can't seem to find any allergy medicine that really works 24 hours! As I have reflected on why exactly I have been frustrated and how I have handled it (whining, complaining, venting, crying, blaming others) I am ashamed. It occurred to me today that my actions have not been that of a grounded woman of God but that of a child still nursing on milk rather than the meat of God's Word. I am reminded of one of my favorite passages, Philippians 4:7-9. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, ...

Tonight we attended the Middle School's production of High School Musical. One of the young ladies in our youth group had a part as well as the daughter of a good friend. I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting but what I saw and heard was far from the hyped up version we've seen on Disney channel that inspired us to buy not only the DVD for our oldest daughter but also the 2-disc CD soundtrack AND a devotional about all the spiritual things you can learn from "The Musical." But I digress... For those that are not familiar with this teenage drama fest, there are two main characters, Troy and Gabriella, a basketball star and a science whiz, respectively. They meet during the Christmas break and end up singing karaoke together during a party. They wind up at the same high school when school starts back up. Long story short, Troy and Gabriella attempt to break out of their normal roles and sing in the school musical production. It is well understood in the school pr...

I confess...I have a headache again and I'm fed up with it. But as I was walking to get lunch, I wondered if my reluctance to rely on God for the small things in my life like this headache is causing me to be reluctant to rely on God for the larger things in my life? In 1 John 4:15-17, John writes, "If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him." I have acknowledged that Jesus is the Son of God. I know I can rely on the love God has for me. But it is beyond that initial reliance that I seem to fall short. It's like when a little kid who, left to his or her own devices, will eat and eat candy until they make themselves sick. I know what I am supposed to do; I know in my hea...

Tonight we had an interesting lesson at church. Jim asked us to complete a questionnaire titled, "God and Me." The questions seem easy enough but one question in particular gave me difficulty. Here are the questions: 1. What word picture best describes your relation ship with God? 2. What are the highlights of your relationship with God over the past year? 3. What were the most significant struggles in your relationship with God this past year? 4. On a scale of 1 to 100 (100 being completely satisfied and 1 absolutely dissatisfied), how satisfied are you with your relationship with God? Explain. 5. On a scale of 1 to 100 ( 100 being completely satisfied and 1 absolutely dissatisfied), how satisfied do you think God is with your relationship. Explain. 6. What are three steps you can take to be more satisfied with your relationship with God? Question 2 really stumped me. While we didn't have a lot of time to complete the questionnaire and to discuss with our grou...

I confess...I am rather sick of having a sick household. Cali has come down with an ear infection. She kept us up all night Monday. I thought I was going to pass out at work Tuesday. I am thankful that our kids are mostly healthy and we've been spared most big childhood illnesses. It was just hard to be thankful while Cali was crying on and off for four hours and then insisted at 4:00 a.m. that she had to take a shower. Thank God we have the benefit of hindsight!

What is it about bedtime that makes even the best children naughty and hard to get settled down? I am looking for any good suggestions because after 12 years and four children, we are still struggling. Any help/thoughts are greatly appreciated!

Today during a telephone conference I committed to a number of things that, honestly, I'm not sure how I will get done this week as promised. I promised them because I know they need to be completed in order to move my program from stuck to active. If it doesn't happen, I'm sure I can explain why and be okay; however, my question for today is, if there is a likely chance that I won't complete the task should I go ahead and potentially over commit myself or is it better that I give a date that I couldn't possibly miss? I just don't know. Perhaps there is a scripture that addresses this thing?

The inflatable Christian is full of air. Not much content. Not much on the inside. Not much real conviction and very little substance. No depth. On the surface, they look good. Bright. Cheerful. Exciting. Colorful. However, they are filled by what is light and air. The inflatable Christian is only about the show. Just look at and admire them. Praise them for what appears to be really nice, but don't look on the inside. Appreciate them from a distance, but don't get too close or you may be surprised, disappointed, or discouraged." Tom Norvell in " The Inflatable Christmas ." I confess...when I first read this article I immediately began to think of people that I have known that fit this profile. But then I was reminded of the scripture in Matthew that addresses this very thing. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pa...

I confess...I was going to borrow the title of today's post from a daily devotion I found through my friend. The devotion can be found here . The title of yesterday's devotion was "Priorities Reflect Purpose." However when I went back and re-read the devotion, I changed my mind. What I really want to focus on today is the title of this post...my personal purpose statement. The author of the devotion says, "God has a purpose for each of us. There are aspects of this purpose common to all who follow Christ. Although we may not all choose to word it the same way, it would be very similar to my "personal mission statement." This could also be called my 'personal purpose statement.' ... But I believe God has also specifically gifted each of us for the unique purpose He has for our life. This purpose varies depending on the gifts and callings God has granted us. In Acts 12:36 we read, "When David had served God's purpose in his own gene...

One of favorite my favorite things about coming to the close of a year is the new year's eve service at church. Our service is a mixture of contemporary praise songs, responsive worship and the Lord's supper. Every year one we participate in a responsive worship of the Lord's Prayer. Every year I am reminded of a number of things and I wanted to share it with you. Here is the responsive reading of the Lord's Prayer. I don't know where my father-in-law got it so I can't give credit....otherwise I would. I confess...it's been a couple of hours since I started this post. It bothered me that I didn't know where the prayer came from so I spent a bit of time on Google to discover the author. I found several iterations of this prayer by various people/organizations. It appears that the origination may have been a Catholic association but really, who knows. At any rate, without further ado, the prayer, then my thoughts to follow: I cannot say OUR if I my faith ...